Rotten Little Girls

Tag: women’s issues

January 22, 2009

Guest Post: Why I Became a Feminist, Pt. 3

by Ian

I am a man; I am a feminist. This is not the contradiction that it can appear to some people. In fact, I think being a feminist makes me a better man, the kind of man that I can be proud to be. It doesn’t mean that I want women to be superior to me or that I have any less desire to be a man. It means that my definition of being a man is different. It means that I don’t feel domination and oppression based on arbitrary gender roles have anything to do with being a man. I know that what makes me a man is simply genetics; that it’s my choices in life that matter and not my genitalia.

I think I can trace my feminism back to my mother and father, both staunch conservatives while I was growing up. My father was in the military and my mother was very open to being dominated; she would do what ever he wanted, almost without question. Even at eight years old, something about that didn’t seem right. I felt bad for my mom, like she was getting a raw deal. I don’t want to give off the impression that my father was abusive or that he demanded that sort of treatment, but it just seemed to be how it was. At one point, my dad went overseas for a year and my mom took a nose-dive right to the couch, barely moving from her comfort zone. Without my father around she didn’t know what to do; it was during that year that I came to the conclusion, without a doubt, that things shouldn’t be that way. No one person, man or woman, should be so dependent on another person that they cannot live their life without them. Now, I know that what happened to my mother was not simply a function of her devotion to my father, but also as a part of a series of mental conditions she later became diagnosed with, but the impression was still there. Some things never leave you.

My family wasn’t the only formative element in my development, throughout the years, I became friends with many different women. I don’t mean that I made female friends in an effort to have sex with them, although I am ashamed to admit that was something I did in my younger years. But no one is perfect. As I formed these friendships I began to notice the kind of things that other men my age were doing and saying about the women I knew and didn’t know. Women to most of them were nothing more than objects of desire, things to be had and used until they were done with them. Had they taken the time to get to know the girls that they were talking about, they could have realized how much more they had to offer than “ass, titties, and blow jobs.” I began to hear stories from more of my friends than I ever thought possible. These were about guys who would force themselves into a position in which my friends felt that they had to sleep with them. It was rape through emotional force as far as I saw, and it made me sick. I can’t tell you how many girls I knew that would go out on dates with young soldiers–fresh out of basic, full of testosterone, and a sense of entitlement–who would come back and cry to me about being raped. They were all too scared to say anything, because on post (like everywhere) it was always assumed that she had been willing to have sex or she wouldn’t have been in the guys barracks. If she was lucky, the guy would be charged with statutory rape and maybe get kicked out of the Army. At least half of the women I have dated throughout the years have confided in me that their fathers, uncles, brothers, or neighbors had molested them. One in particular had been molested at (roughly) six years old; she still has nightmares to this day about those terrible events. I am thankful everyday that the woman I love more than I have ever loved has never had to deal with that. I hope to someday leave a world where no one else will. Some things never leave you.

In high school I discovered radical politics. At some point most people toy with ideas like socialism and anarchism, or their polar opposites (although I’ve never known anyone to seriously espouse the virtues of fascism.) I read about populist movements, workers rights, and class warfare. I read Noam Chomsky, Rigoberta Menchu, Karl Marx, and Emma Goldman. I came to the conclusion early on that equality and egalitarianism meant everyone and not only a certain type of people. I have marched in LGBT rallies, seen inflammatory political speeches given by some of the most intelligent people I have ever met, and I have sat through class after class designed to teach me the importance of history (all of which were led by women who I could never imagine being superior to simply because they had a vagina). My studies of history have shown me how far we’ve come and how much more work we as a society need to do. Women are still underrepresented in our history books. They were rich and vibrant characters, not just fashion accessories.

I am not the best candidate for becoming a feminist, but here I am. I grew up in a Southern, conservative, military family and spent much of my time in southern conservative, military towns. I am American, white, and male, which makes me part of the most privileged group of people to ever walk this earth, but here I am. I have learned lessons that most men will never learn, because some things will never leave you.

- Ian

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The “Why I Became a Feminist” series is open to anyone who identifies as feminist and wants to share their story. Please email me at rottenlittlegirls @ gmail.com and I will consider publishing your piece in this series. I’d love to have a broad range of voices and experiences.

Part 1 and Part 2 of the series.

28 comments
December 29, 2008

Thoughts on the Splintered Feminist Movement

by Kelly

I’m pretty new to the feminist movement. While my political leanings have always been liberal and I most certainly have always agreed with the feminism, I wasn’t really very aware of the actual movement until recently. I discussed this in my post, “Why I Became a Feminist,” and to be sure I still have a lot to learn about feminism and what issues are most important to me.

That being said, it’s hard for me to understand the feminist movement because it’s so confusing. When I was in high school I thought it was simply: “Women are equal and shouldn’t be violated or injured by men.” While I still believe this to be a basic tenet of feminist thought, I have since taken several Women’s Studies courses, started a feminist blog that has forced me to actively think about women’s issues, and started to experience life as an independent young adult. All of these experiences have increased my awareness of the diversity of human life – and, inevitably, the diverse nature of feminists.

I understand the differences now between liberal feminists and radical feminists, postmodern and global. When I say I’m a radical feminist, it’s because I have always felt strongly about how women’s sexuality is constructed in society and in the course of my studies have realized that radical feminists and I seem to have a lot in common. However, I’m still a little hesitant to use a specific label. I’m not afraid of calling myself a feminist, but in the few months that I’ve been following feminist blogs, I’ve noticed a lot of infighting amongst “different” brands of feminism.

There are arguments between Marxist feminists and feminists who think MacKinnon is a snotty brat (I read her for a class and felt like she was putting my thoughts to paper, so I’m not sure how to feel when I hear this). There are arguments between white feminists and feminists of color (as far as I can tell, these are often cases of people needing to STFU & L & be respectful but failing to do so). I could go on, but what’s the point? If you read an extensive array of feminist blogs, you probably have a sense of what I’m talking about.

This makes me weary, and I’ve only been on the feminist blogger “scene” a couple of months. I’m wary of starting a flame war by posting my thoughts on sex work or some other hot topic. Apparently, the people I should be worried about getting upset are fellow feminists, not the general public, or men, or misogynists. It’s difficult for me to stomach feminists having huge public fights over which cause is more important or who is dead-wrong about their particular opinions. We’re all in the same movement, right?

I don’t have too many conclusions to draw yet because, as I said, I’m still learning. I hope with time the feminist movement becomes more coherent & cohesive. It seems to me, the more open-minded, respectful, and thoughtful we are with each other, the more we can begin to bridge the gaps between different feminist theories. If we are asking men and women living under patriarchy to question their privilege and their stereotypes, it is fair to ask that of ourselves. I think you’ll find that even though the feminist movement is splintered, we still have a common goal: helping women and dismantling their oppression. It’s something to keep in mind.

- Dollface

lorde
Photo Credits

6 comments
December 14, 2008

End of the Week Links

by Kelly

berwick1Since I’ve gotten a lot of positive (and some ignorant) responses to the “Why I Became a Feminist” series (check out Part 1 and Part 2 if you haven’t already), I decided to have a feminist blogaround this Sunday instead of my usual miscellaneous links. Here are some passionate yet well-reasoned essays by feminist bloggers and writers. I’m sure you’ll enjoy them, and maybe even learn a few things.

–> This fascinating and timely article entitled “Sexism in the Workplace” by reporter Harriet Rubin explains how women in the United States have made strides in the workplace — but these advances are now in a slow decline. The writer explains that while women now make 70-something cents to men’s dollar, they have plateaued at this figure. I highly recommend this article, not only because it’s an excellent analysis of the subtleties of workplace sexism on the managerial level, but it proves unequivocally that sexism is very much alive in our society and is a problem we must address.


“Heidrick & Struggles is one of the world’s top executive-search firms. Senior chairman and chief headhunter Gerry Roche groaned when I told him why I was calling. “There isn’t sexism anymore,” he said. “Or if there is, you can’t rush things. Maybe it will take another generation to make things right.”

He told me, “Boards are always asking me to bring them women candidates.” But he still places nearly six times as many men as women. Of his top 10 recruiters, five are female. So why only one woman on his nine-person board? “That’s a good question,” he said.

Catalyst calculates that, at this rate, it will take 73 years for women to achieve parity with men at the board level. 2081, here we come!”

–> Are you a feminist? According to this woman you are. Read this powerful but slightly controversial piece about the universality of feminism.

“It is about political, economic, and social equality of the sexes, and it is about claiming that definition on its own terms, instead of qualifying it because you don’t want anyone to think that you don’t shave your pits. It is about saying that you are a feminist and just letting the statement sit there, instead of feeling a compulsion to modify it immediately with “but not, you know, that kind of feminist” because you don’t want to come off all Angry Girl.”

–> You may not realize it, but a woman’s hair is a loaded concept. This article unpacks the argument that women must shave to be beautiful, while this great post over at Womanist Musings discusses the problematic coverage of Michelle Obama’s hair by the mainstream media.

“No matter how brightly colored the ads or how cheerily the model smile while holding a razor to their tanned leg, ads for razors at their most basic telling women there is something wrong with one of their natural functions: hair growth. “Advertising aimed at women works by lowering our self-esteem,” writes Wolf. The bottom line of razor marketing is selling women a product by which they may change themselves.”

…and before someone says “what about the menz?”:

“In the last few years, there has been a rise of a hairless male aesthetic, like Versace models with clean-shaven faces and chests; but, with such high percentages of women shaving, it is clear that the hairless beauty standard applies to women of all classes, whereas male body hairlessness seems to be predominantly at a haute couture level.”

–> Sexual harassment is a pervasive problem in Egypt — take a moment to read one woman’s account of her personal experiences with this problem, and then check out Mona Eltahawy’s other thought-provoking articles, such as “Fear of an Obama Planet” and “A hymen, a veil and France”

“There is no law criminalizing sexual harassment in Egypt, and police often refuse to report women’s complaints. And when it is the police themselves who are harassing women, then clearly women’s safety is far from a priority in Egypt.”


There are plenty more articles that I stumbled across in the past few days, and be sure to check back next week for the next batch of links. Hope you all had a great weekend!

- Dollface

Photo Credits

8 comments
December 10, 2008

Guest Post: Bathing in Menstrual Blood (mmmm…)

by Hina

Inspired and encouraged by my cousin, Dollface, to guest blog, and recently triggered by reading Dollyann’s entry “Why I Became a Feminist,” I began to examine the way I have expressed my womanhood to others and myself, especially since coming to college.

Firstly, if asked “feminist or not a feminist?” my answer would be “feminist,” without a doubt, but I have never been one to vocally oppose the pressures women receive in our society. “Someone else will do it,” I always thought, and in actuality they did, although much fewer than what is ideal. It wasn’t until last spring when I took a course called “Comparative Perspectives on the Body” that I began to question and open dialogue with the people around me about so-called “societal norms” when it came to women. In the second month of class, we were on the topic of menstruation and the ways societies around the world have approached, ignored, commented on this natural female process. As we read about the influences of society on a woman when she is first starting to understand her body and its processes, I realized that I myself was a victim to American and Japanese society.

I started proud at age 12, (I was a real woman now!) but as the cramps worsened, the pads gave me rashes and my mom told me I must always be discrete about my period, I learned to hate that time of the month and can even recall spending a lot of time peeling the wrapper off of my pads in order to keep quiet, so that my dad didn’t know that I had my period.

Many of our readings for class confronted similar experiences, but still more shocking were the ways in which our society, specifically science, subconsciously brainwashed us into this shame. That’s right, science! I was skeptical too, but the evidence was in front of me. I don’t have the exact text that I read for the class, but Merriam-Webster says menstruation is:

“a discharging of blood, secretions, and tissue debris from the uterus that recurs in nonpregnant breeding-age primate females at approximately monthly intervals and that is considered to represent a readjustment of the uterus to the nonpregnant state following proliferative changes accompanying the preceding ovulation.”

Does that sound pretty normal to you? Perhaps it does, but look closely at the word choice: “discharging” and “debris”? If you’re still skeptical, I’m not surprised, but it’s when you look at descriptions for other similar bodily that “discharges debris” that you start to realize that even the most unbiased of sources are telling women to be ashamed of their period. The periodic process that our stomach lining undergoes for instance, I recall a quoted textbook mentioning that it was “shedding away old cells in preparation for renewal,” and “cleansing our bodies.” Pretty different huh?

All of that to tell you that period=bad has been ingrained in us by society in the most unexpected ways. Phew, didn’t mean it to be so long-winded. Anyways, realizing this was important to me, even if it didn’t lessen my cramps or take the hassle out of buying pads and tampons every month or two. At least the empowering readings in class about menstruation made me proud to have my period. I could now confidently think, “Yeah I have my period, but it’s a part of my womanhood and I’m damn proud of it.” Eventually, I started voicing these opinions, and when my male friends would cringe at the word “menstruation” I would tape tampons to their doors as “gifts.” Whether that was mature or not, I was no longer embarrassed to let it be known that I had my period, and that was a pretty big leap forward looking at my past.

divacups2All right, so now comes the amazing part. Blogs. There were so many blogs I read during that time of tampon presents and empowerment that were the exact catalysts I needed to keep up this dialogue about menstruation, women and our society. It was on an uneventful afternoon when I stumbled upon a blog entry about cloth pads, menstrual cups and other alternative menstrual products. “WHAT?” I gawked in shock. Reusing the same fabric over and over again? Putting a silicone cup in your vagina? I curled up in appall with the words on the screen. I dismissed this entry only 10 minutes later due to all lack of maturity. But a few weeks later, I saw another blogger talking about the “fabulous” menstrual cup she was using. Now I was curious. I scoured the internet for more information on alternative menstrual products, and what do you know, there were entire forums devoted to these things!

Could it be? Oh my goodness! It’s that big? In my vagina? Using my fingers? It collects the blood? Do I have to look at the blood? YES?! Noooo…

It goes on, but you know, after being exposed to something for so long, you start to build immunity. And after you build that immunity, you start to warm up to that idea. That’s exactly what happened to me when two months later I purchased my first menstrual cup. I had heard that the learning curve for these cups were Much Steeper than learning to put tampons in, so naturally I was nervous. The first few times I put it in, I could hardly bear the pain. I finally surrendered and realized that I must be doing something wrong, which I was. I watched a tutorial on youtube (Thank You Youtube!!!) and tried it again and voila, it didn’t hurt!

I remember going around campus that day telling all of my friends that I had a menstrual cup in and wasn’t that so cool? Most of them were just as appalled as I was when I first read about it. A few months later, now, I’ve become a sort of unofficial endorser of these small silicone cups. I even facilitated a workshop on alternative menstrual products at my school in October, and have been telling other people about it who have never heard about it, or if they have, believe in the myths.

“How can you bear to see all of that blood and stick your fingers up there?” they ask me, but it’s almost weird how comfortable I am with it now. I mean, did you know that menstrual blood is good for plants? Before you cast me off as a crazy lady who feeds her plants blood (Little Shop of Horrors anyone?), hear me out, because our periods are a natural part of our bodies. So are other excretions, which in some places of the world are still being used as fertilizer. That’s not my point though. My point is that I feel completely comfortable with my period now, and I feel more in touch (literally) with my body and therefore my womanhood because I know the curves and the bumps that define my vagina.

recycling-image-smallOther reasons to try alternative menstrual products? The National Women’s Health Network, estimate that in the United States alone, over 12 billion pads and 7 million tampons are used once and disposed of every year. You might also be able to guess that they take a very long time to break down and also release toxic chemicals into the earth. Not only are they harmful for the earth, but also they’re expensive, can be bad for your body, and are a hassle to carry around/be fully stocked.

I reached another milestone a couple of weeks ago when my mom called me to ask me if I could buy her a menstrual cup and teach her how to use it during Thanksgiving break. Then, when my dad came to pick me up I boasted about the workshop I held. He looked painfully uncomfortable but I persisted, and he said, “That’s very good M.” It’s at least a start.

If you’re interested in alternative menstrual products, here’s a list of helpful sites I made for the workshop.

I am far from being as eloquent or articulate with my writing as my cousin or Dollyann, but this is my story (at least part of it), and I hope it opened some of your eyes.

- Hina

24 comments
September 30, 2008

Woman, Get Thee to the Kitchen!

by Kelly


“The only kind of work which permits an able woman to realize her abilities fully, to achieve identity in society in a life plan that can encompass marriage and motherhood, is the kind that was forbidden by the feminine mystique, the lifelong commitment to an art or science, to politics or profession.”
- Betty Friedan

Last Friday I was sitting in one of my classes, nearly nodding off. We were discussing Betty Friedan’s Feminine Mystique and, for someone who was born into third wave feminism, it sounded like the same old stuff: women aren’t reaching their full human potentials as housewives, they deserve to have careers and education, and so on.


I was perfectly complacent until I happened to glance at the notebook of the girl sitting next to me. She was writing a comment to her male friend, “I think many men AND women still think a woman’s role should be in the home. It’s only a small number of people who frown on women being housewives. Right??”

Um…hold up. Was the Women’s Lib Movement a dream? Do women choose, overwhelmingly, to be a wife, mother, and homemaker…and nothing else?

Okay, pop culture is giving us some pretty warped ideas lately. While 50’s women lived up to a notion of “femininity” as the perfect wife, mother, and consumer, we now have to live up to the “sexy” image provided by TV shows like The Desperate Housewives: we not only freelance from home but we’re keen interior decorators with bouncy silicone breasts and highlights in our hair. According to television, movies, and so on, the modern woman can have a career…so long as she balances it with her mothering and homemaking skills. Miranda Priestly in The Devil Wears Prada is constantly derided for putting work first: as a consequence her husband(s) divorce her and her children are bratty. The working woman is soulless in the mainstream media…until of course, she undergoes the Stepford Wife treatment.

I wish I could have told that girl in my class that no, most people don’t think women should just be in home…rather, people believe they should do it all: tackle your career, your bathroom mop, and your love life with the same fanatical zeal. If you’re lucky, you’ll come out on top, like a veritable “Super Woman.” However, as most women know, that is a myth no one can truly embody.

I’ve also been hearing the argument lately, “What if I want to be a housewife? You can’t look down on me for that.” My response is this: women have choices now (in certain countries and, notably, in only the more affluent classes). If your choice is to be a housewife, great. But it’s my choice to think that kind of life wastes a woman’s human potential. Don’t get me wrong, I want a husband, kids, and a home, but I would not feel fulfilled if I didn’t have a tie to the outside world: a career, a raison d’être. If your sole goal is to pop out a few and chase after them with disposable wipes, be my guest. Just keep in mind, “The only way for a woman, as for a man, to find herself, to know herself as a person, is by creative work of her own. There is no other way.” – Betty Friedan

What do you think? Is it possible to balance a vibrant home life and a career? Do you struggle with the effort of it all? Or do you think women shouldn’t work at all? Comment away!

Check out Part II of this post: Men, Get Thee to the Kitchen!

Photo Credits

10 comments
July 28, 2008

McCain’s Armies of Compassion

by Kelly

The first thing you may notice about Obama’s campaign site is that he has dedicated an “issues” page to Women. In this page he highlights a range of women’s issues, from domestic violence to healthcare. Needless to say, his stance on women’s rights is rather comprehensive.

However, on McCain’s website, there is a glaring deficit. There is no mention of women’s rights as an important issue. In fact, the only mention of women is under the category of “Human Dignity and the Sanctity of Life” in which McCain’s pro-life (anti-choice) stance is explained.

McCain's Armies of Compassion

Armies of Compassion?


Interestingly enough, the McCain site claims that,

“The pro-life movement has done tremendous work in building and reinforcing the infrastructure of civil society by strengthening faith-based, community, and neighborhood organizations that provide critical services to pregnant mothers in need. This work must continue and government must find new ways to empower and strengthen these armies of compassion. “

Armies of compassion? First of all, what is with the military jargon? Is that an allusion to McCain’s stint as a Navy Pilot (he ranked 894 out of 899 in his Naval Class, but never mind that…). Either way, this phrase “armies of compassion” — which in this context is referring to “faith-based, community and neighborhood organizations” such as Family Research Council — makes it seem like other respectable organizations are not compassionate. What about Planned Parenthood, one of the “pro-choice” organizations that has been underfunded and stigmatized by the Bush administration? Are they not “compassionate”?

For those who are unaware of what Planned Parenthood’s mission is, I will direct them to their website. Since many Planned Parenthood facilities are not even equipped to perform abortions, it really seems ridiculous that this organization is persecuted by the pro-life neo-cons. PP provides a much-needed service to those who cannot afford expensive birth control, or who need more information and support. Regardless of whether you support premarital sex or not, it is important to have a place where our teenaged daughters and sons (and anyone else, for that matter) can go to test for STDs, AIDs, and learn crucial methods of contraception. I would argue that PP is more “compassionate” than its “faith-based” pro-life counterparts.*

*I am aware that the McCain campaign is using “armies of compassion” as a euphemism for “pro-life tendencies”. I just think it’s a load of crap.

McCain is not the only one to refer to these organizations as “armies of compassion”. In June 2008, George Bush used the phrase as well at the Office of Faith-Based and Community Initiatives National Conference. Now, I’m sure there are many other ways in which Bush and McCain are similar, but this seems to be a rather blatant way in which McCain is perpetuating the Bush administration’s doctrine – even down to the jargon!

4 comments
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