women’s issues « Rotten Little Girls

May 21, 2009

Is Censorship the Answer? Misogyny in Rap Lyrics

by Kelly

Explicit-Lyrics-Poster

According to Urban Dictionary (god, I love that site) a “chickenhead” is:

“Usually a female, who likes to give oral sex. The word chickenhead comes from the movement that the females head makes while performing oral sex. Lots of guys like chickenheads because they don’t even have to be in a relationship with them to get their dicks sucked.”

and

“1. a female who likes cock
2. a female who likes giving head, bobbing up and down like a chicken
…not to be confused with “chickens,” or chicks, which is not a deragatory term”

Where does this lovely term show up most often? Rap lyrics, like the following song by Three Six Mafia, entitled (you guessed it) “Chickenhead”:

“…now these chickenhead hoes see this platinum thick as white gold
…a flock of broads follow me
from the club to break they knees
knowin that’s all i want
straight out tha club
tha rest ain’t smellin right
the last thang on they mind is freshin up
its goin down tonight

…i’m tha playa who got u chickenheads knockin at my door
tellin me that you diggin me
tellin me i’m yo man to be
girlfriend its gone cost a fee
get yo rags and work that streets
pay ya boy and make me rich
so we keep them swisher’s lit”

The misogyny in rap lyrics isn’t really news to anyone – in fact, it’s been 4 years since Essence magazine’s campaign to clean up rap lyrics. However, it’s still an issue. Recently, students at Arcadia High School in Pasadena, CA, took steps to clean up their prom by starting a petition to ban certain songs with explicit and derogatory language directed at women. The petition was started by the Women’s Health and Issues Club and got 130 signatures. The students were partially successful – the administrators guaranteed that 20 songs would not be played, because the proposed ban on 300 different songs was too difficult to implement.

In the article I linked to, one of the girls mentions that many other female students at their high school resisted the ban on songs, claiming they liked the songs and banning them would ruin prom.

I’m not a fan of censorship, but as the prom is, in essence, a party for a group of high schoolers, it makes sense that they should be in control of the playlist. If certain songs offend a large enough percentage of students, it does make sense to ban those songs (or some of them). However, as one article argues, “Censorship of hip-hop music is not the solution. Instead, the solution is to change the culture, system, and ideology so misogynist lyrics are not written.”

How do we change the culture and the system? Is banning individual songs helpful in raising awareness or does it do the cause a disservice by focusing on censorship rather than change?

This is, of course, why I blog – I’m a big believer in overhauling the entire system rather than slapping band-aids on various social problems (which is why I have mixed feelings about the legalization of prostitution, for example). I feel that if more people realized how possible it is to change the current system, then we actually…could. Every little bit helps, but in the end we need a mass movement.

So, what do you think? Do you agree with the students at Arcadia? Is it a form of censorship? Is censorship ever okay? What can be done about the misogyny in rap lyrics? These are all big questions, I know, but without discussion there will never be an answer.

– Dollface

9 comments

May 19, 2009

The Abortion Post

by Kelly

I am pro-choice. If that mere fact offends you, I suggest finding alternative reading material.

So for those of you still reading, I like to have a discussion about abortion. Specifically, the future of the right to choose in America and the current threats to Roe v. Wade. Oh, and the fact that our President is hailed for pussy-footing around the whole issue. (I love you B, but come on!)

If you didn’t hear, President Obama gave a cute little speech at Notre Dame the other day. Notre Dame, home of the Fighting Irish, is quite possibly the best Catholic university in our country. (At least, that’s what my Irish Catholic uncle tells me, but I digress). So, in his speech President Obama said the following on the subject of abortion:

“I do not suggest that the debate surrounding abortion can or should go away…Because no matter how much we may want to fudge it — indeed, while we know that the views of most Americans on the subject are complex and even contradictory — the fact is that at some level, the views of the two camps are irreconcilable…Each side will continue to make its case to the public with passion and conviction. But surely we can do so without reducing those with differing views to caricature…”

Also, this little nugget of goodness:

“…That’s when we begin to say, ‘Maybe we won’t agree on abortion, but we can still agree that this is a heart-wrenching decision for any woman. So let us work together to reduce the number of women seeking abortions by reducing unintended pregnancies. Let’s make adoption more available. Let’s provide care and support for women who do carry their children to term.”

Okay. Obama, I agree with you – mostly. I agree that we should toss out abstinence-only sex education and increase the availability of affordable birth control. I also agree that we should provide care for women who do carry their “precious” children to term (funny that the pro-lifers love fetuses but don’t give a fuck what happens to them after they are actually born). However…

What is this nonsense about abortion being a heart-wrenching decision for any woman? Let’s stop sugar-coating this shit, people. I’m willing to say this straight up: If I got pregnant today I would abort it ASAP, no qualms, no hesitation. Give me that RU-486 pill, ma’am, thank you very much. I’m too young and I have no desire what-so-ever to bring a child into this world for at least 10 years (if ever).

If men were the ones who gave birth, do you think abortions would be “heart-wrenching” for all of them? Hell, abortion would be as common and accessible as breast augmentation.

ProChoice

Obviously, to have an abortion is a difficult choice for some women to make. By no means do I want to belittle their emotions and experiences regarding their abortions. However, I’m tired of the shame and disgust associated with abortion. For those of us who don’t think life starts at conception, the right to an abortion is a no-brainer. For those who do think abortion=baby-killing…why don’t you worry about saving your own soul, alright? You’re perfectly willing to support a war in Iraq, which has killed thousands of people ALREADY BORN and you sleep at night just fine, so I think you can get over a few women “killing” their unborn fetus. (EDIT: I’m aware this does not extend to ALL pro-lifers…)

I’d like to say this post is open for ANY and ALL commentary/debate/what-have-you. I would love to hear from pro-lifers, pro-choicers, pro-baby killers, whatever the hell you identify as. Just remember:

1) Keep it civil. No personal attacks will pass through comment moderation.
2) If you just want to preach your religious doctrine, go somewhere else. I’m a heathen and proud of it.
3) If your post contains the words “baby murderer,” “devil worshipper,” or “evil slutty bitch” (and you’re not being sarcastic), your comment will not pass through moderation.

I obviously have much more to say on the topic, but I thought I would respond in the comments section rather than standing up on my rotten little soapbox and boring you all to tears. :-) Hope to hear from you.

Yours Truly,
Dollface

EDIT: To the guy who commented telling me to “shut up”… I’d like to direct you to my “About Us” page in which I politely but firmly state that I will not shut up, for anyone. For more information on this subject, click here.

P.S. Free “President Bush Sucks” condoms for the 25th comment! (Shameless attempt to get you all debating, I know)

35 comments

May 18, 2009

Mondays are a Bitch, and so is She: Suheir Hammad

by Kelly

I first heard about Suheir Hammad when reading her interview in New York Magazine alongside Gloria Steinem. I thought the interview was engaging and pretty damn interesting. Hammad, born in Jordan and immigrated as a child to Brooklyn with her Palestinian parents, has a sharp sense of humor and unique perspective on culture, sexuality and being a woman of Middle Eastern descent.

When asked what her relationships are like, for example, Hammad replied,

“I am so old-fashioned. I’ve never lived with a man. I am completely about the independence of paying my own rent. It was really important for me in my twenties. Because when I left school and my parents’ home—I was raised that when you leave, it’s to your husband’s home, or a coffin.”

After reading the interview, I couldn’t help but google Suheir Hammad and find out more about her. Not only is she a poet, author and activist, but she is an amazing Spoken Word performer. I was particularly drawn to her “Not Your Exotic, Not Your Erotic” piece. My advisor and mentor at college is doing work on the problematic “othering” and exotification of Muslim women, which I’ve spent lots of time discussing with her. This topic is of particular interest to me and I thought that Hammad’s poem about her personal experience with exotification was extremely powerful.

Here are some of my favorite clips (including her Exotic, Erotic piece):

This is possibly my favorite poem of Hammad’s, on 9/11. Beautiful & moving:

Another piece on the fallout of 9/11 (with an all too brief introduction by the ever-adorable Mos Def):

I can’t help but end by posting this hilarious, too-perfect-for-words excerpt from the New York Magazine interview (SH = Suheir Hammad, GS = Gloria Steinem):

“NY: Suheir, your female friends, do they consider themselves feminists?

SH: I have this conversation all the time. I think they all do. Whether or not they would say it publicly, I think it comes from not wanting to be seen as political, and not wanting to make other people uncomfortable. I think of feminism as a socially just and imaginative world. You know, in my twenties I was taught that feminism meant we had to be supersmart, in the realm of intellectualism—to make rational, detached, unemotional pleas. But now I think what Gloria and all our sisters have given us is imagination. It’s a question of: Can I imagine that world?

NY: A guy at work said to ask, Since the movement has succeeded so fully, is there anything left to do?

GS: [Laughs] So, are we going to break his kneecaps now?

SH: No, we’re going to give him a Brazilian bikini wax.

GS: Tell him I’ll know that we’re getting someplace when I go into Central Park and see white men wheeling babies of color and getting well paid for it. There is no postfeminism—it’s like saying “post-democracy”!

Hope you’re all having a good Monday! — Dollface

What do you think of Suheir Hammad? Please share your thoughts or links to other clips or poems. Also, I’d love to hear your suggestions for future “Monday = Bitch” spotlight posts.

2 comments

April 22, 2009

The Question of Female Violence

by Kelly

A recent case has been covered by the views in which a woman is accused of raping and murdering a female child. While this is no doubt a tragic case, it is also the source of much controversy. Many people are in disbelief that a woman – and a mother, no less – could brutalize a child in such a way. Many claim she must have had a male accomplice (despite strong evidence to the contrary).

monster_movie It is interesting to me that our society cannot accept the notion that women are capable of violence and cruelty equal to that of some men. Certain kinds of violence are associated primarily with women (like hitting, pinching, biting, scratching, and so on), whereas other forms of violence are often associated with men (such as punching, head-slamming, kicking, and rape). Rape in particular is usually defined as a sexual crime committed by a man on a woman or man, but women are rarely found to be sexual aggressors. Yet, just because it is rare doesn’t make it impossible.

When a woman kills we cannot begin to fathom her motives. We are uncomfortable with the very idea of a mother harming a child, let alone sexually assaulting that child. Yet at the same time, we hear of fathers sexually abusing children all too commonly. At what point do we abandon our preconceived notions of gender and behavior? Do statistics on violent crimes and who commits them prove that there is an essential difference between men and women? Or do we just chalk it up to the fact that some people (no matter their gender) are just majorly fucked up?

badgirlsclub1

Female violence is all too often eroticized for male pleasure (“catfights” and bikini mud-wrestling, anyone?), yet woe be the woman who raises a hand against a man. Female violence, in reality, is often thought to provoke male violence (in other words, male violence is justifiable if a woman hits first; it is appropriate to retaliate). For example, many rumors circulating around the Chris Brown/Rihanna domestic abuse case perpetuated the idea that Rihanna provoked her beating by hitting or slapping Chris Brown. This brings up some important questions:

1) Is there ever a situation in which violence is acceptable and/or justifiable?
2) Is there any instance in which male violence towards females is justified? What about female violence directed toward a male? Male to male? And so on.

Ideally, in the Chris Brown/Rihanna case, one or both parties would have walked away before the situation escalated. However, I think it is important to note that Chris Brown was in the car’s driver’s seat and therefore had more power to stop the situation and/or allow Rihanna to leave peacefully. Whether Rihanna started the physical fight or not, I do not think he was right to retaliate with more violence. Not only is Chris Brown stronger than Rihanna, but his punches definitely did more damage than any alleged hitting or slapping (which we can see from the gruesome pictures spread on the internet in the recent months). Of course, I am not advocating female violence against men either. Unfortunately, there seem to be countless grey areas when it comes to domestic violence and other violent situations.

What are your thoughts on violence (either towards women or perpetrated by women?) Do you have an answer to any of the questions I posed above? I’d love to hear your thoughts, as this is a complicated topic with perhaps no right answer.

- Dollface

P.S. I highly recommend “A Question of Silence” by Dutch filmmaker Marleen Gorris. It is a provocative film about three women who kill a male shopkeeper for no apparent reason. It centers around the female psychologist who begins to empathize with the women. Raises so many interesting questions about women and violence, patriarchy, the sisterhood of women, and subverting the social order.

10 comments

April 15, 2009

Guest Post: Why I Became a Feminist, Pt. 5

by Kelly

Why am I a feminist? It’s a question I’m asked constantly. I’m white, middle class, college educated and from one of the most liberal cities in the world. I was born late in the twentieth century, after the first wavers got the vote and the second wavers passed Roe and broke barriers in a plethora of fields. I am beginning my career in the twenty-first century. I am privileged enough to be able-bodied, fair skinned and American. So what could possibly bother me enough to join a radical movement of such pissed off women? What could I possibly be so upset about? What could I have experienced in my mere twenty-four years on this planet that can lead to such indignation?

The answer to this question is as complex as the reasons for joining the feminist movement are diverse. There is no denying that my place and time on this planet have afforded me more opportunity that the vast majority of people who ever walked the earth could imagine. And I am aware that there are millions of people out there who have so much more to be upset about than I do. But I do not see my feminism in comparison to them or in spite of them. My feminism is one part a spectrum that includes the experiences of women all over, no matter how different we may appear to be at first.

My grandmother was a housewife most of her life, but unlike the sanguine image neoconservatives like to paint, she lived in a constant state of heightened anxiety because her husband was a womanizing alcoholic with a bad temper. After years of physically abusing the entire family, he left, never to be seen again. My grandmother was left with the repercussions of multiple treatments of electric shock therapy that she underwent to handle the nervous breakdowns that were a result of the abuse. Social services took her youngest son away because they declared her unfit to raise a child given her psychiatric history and lack of a paying job (my aunt wound up adopting him back).

My mother came out of this situation deeply scarred but still strong and independent. She moved out to work full time, live on her own and attend college at night to pursue the accounting degree her father refused to pay for because she was female. She was harassed as one of the only women in her accounting classes by students and professors alike. But she went on. After marrying and having children, she was always the steady rock of the family. She was a strong role model for me because she was a reliable source of strength and love for the family.

But on the inside, she was often in turmoil. As a result of her childhood, she saw any admittance of vulnerability or hurt as a sign of weakness that could be exploited. She was so afraid of ending up helpless like her mother. Even though electric shock treatments have since gone out of vogue, she still has an understandable fear and resentment towards the psychiatric and psychological fields. To even admit needing help would be bad enough but it would be unfathomable to ever place herself in the dependent position that a patient is in with a doctor because she has witnessed closely how that can be abused. So, instead she suffers within.

At times, she self-medicates with alcohol and in her inebriated moments, she identifies with her abusive father because identifying with her mother would be too painful. But what is most remarkable about her situation is that it is not unique. Her fear of displaying fragility is in many ways emblematic of the inner struggle many second-wavers faced. So frightened to turn into their mothers, they often run to the next extreme and hurt themselves and loved ones in the process by identifying with the overly aggressive men our patriarchal society has created.

Beyond my family, my feminism has been strongly shaped by my tumultuous adolescence. I, like many of my generation, grew up walking the unsteady tightrope of cultural contradictions. The “be sexy but not sexual” mantra leaves little room for girls to develop healthy sexual identities and the best of us often become either Ophelia‘s, withdrawn from life and shadows of our younger, more dynamic selves, or starving perfect daughters, trying to do it all but never feeling truly successful.

I tried to safely discover my innocent budding sexuality in a culture that has so perverted sex that the only options are still defined by the same virgin/whore dichotomy of yore. I watched all my male friends make a weekly group sport of finding girls, getting them as intoxicated as possible and ‘running trains’ on them (taking turns having sex with them), while their “good” girlfriends waited at home for them to come back. I watched them congratulate each other on their sexual conquests and degrade any girl who had the misfortune of thinking one of them was kind of cute.

The girls were ostracized while the boys had their egos inflated. I saw the way it heightened their sense of “manhood”. And I noticed the homoeroticness that was always on display as they shared their sexuality primarily with each other, through females –while homophobia pervaded their words and actions. In the meantime, if I so much as made out with two different guys during the same week, I was scorned and scolded by all of them (“you used to be such a nice girl but you’re going down the toilet”) because apparently all my male friends had a right to tell me what to do and at times, even threatened (“I’ll break your arm if you ever date a black guy”) and nothing is worse than a young woman exploring her body because that’s what boys do, not good girls.

It was all normal and I did not have a feminist awareness of what was going on but I always felt that something was off. For a while, I always wondered why I spent so much time around my guy friends when it was apparent how toxic they were for me. But I realize now that it was largely because all my girl friends became all about their boyfriends (the ones they had or the ones they wanted). Many lost all of their own friends (and lives generally) because they became the shadow of the guys they dated. And when they weren’t with them, they just wanted to talk about them.

Others viewed getting married and having children before graduating high school great because that was they could feel good about themselves. I witnessed many enter severely abusive relationships and was in a couple of mildly abusive ones myself. But no one cared because the boys encouraged each other to keep the girls in place. I was told I should spend my time doing my hair and cleaning up after the guys when I preferred reading and–shocker–NOT being their personal maid.

Fortunately, I moved on to college and made more enlightened friends to spend time with. I also had my consciousness raised in various ways. And the more I learned about the world, the more I realized how poorly it has treated women. Fortunately, I also met a plethora of feminists who gave me hope that we can make real change if we work together at dismantling the patriarchy. There’s a lot to be pissed off about, but there’s a lot to hope for also.

And that is why I became a feminist.

-Francesca of Dancing Backwards

—-

The “Why I Became a Feminist” series is open to anyone who identifies as feminist and wants to share their story. Please email me at rottenlittlegirls @ gmail.com and I will consider publishing your piece in this series. I’d love to have a broad range of voices and experiences.

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, and Part 4 of the series.

5 comments

March 20, 2009

The Entertainment Value of Rape

by Kelly

Rape has many definitions to different people – to some it’s black and white, to others there are many grey areas. Some define it as violence, others think of it as a purely sexual act. Regardless of these ambiguities (on an individual and societal level), hopefully we can all agree on a few simple things:

1) Rape is bad.
2) If a woman (or man) says “No” or is otherwise incapacitated (i.e. drunk, asleep) and a man persists in penetrating her orally, anally or vaginally, it is rape.
3) Rape is not entertaining.

While these seem like pretty obvious statements, not everyone agrees with them. For one thing, rape is used as a tool of war (even by American troops), so not everyone thinks it’s all that bad apparently. Secondly, many people do not believe that date/acquaintance rape exists, or think that if a woman dresses provocatively or flirts with a man, she is asking for it (and therefore it is not rape). These are all very problematic standpoints. However, at least in American society, I would say that a substantial amount of people agree with statements 1 and 2. Apparently, however, lots of people think rape is entertaining. Don’t believe me?

There is a game that has been around for a few years in Japan called Rapelay. It has gained recent press coverage in the United States because Amazon sold the game through its United Kingdom branch. After customers complained to Amazon, it took the game off its proverbial “shelves” and has issued statements of apology. Of course, the game is available online (with English translations), so it doesn’t really matter that Western stores aren’t selling it.

What is Rapelay you might ask? From the numerous articles written on the subject lately, I gather that it’s a game in which a male protagonist gets out of prison after serving time for – you guessed it – raping and groping a woman (who he later takes revenge on in the game). I’m not too clear on the plotline, thankfully, but one of the main plots of the game is the molestation and rape of a mother and her two underaged daughters. Bonus features include forcing your female victims to get abortions, enlisting friends to gang rape women with you, etc etc etc. Disgusted yet? Apparently this is part of a niche video game genre in Japan called eroge…which means there are more games like this out there. Just when I thought humanity couldn’t reach new lows…

Who the hell plays these games and actually enjoys them? I won’t post the screenshots, but if you click on the links below this paragraph you can see some (slightly disturbing but safe for work) images of the game. It makes me sick to think that someone could spend time raping pixelated women. It truly boggles the mind. I wrote a post about sexism in video games a month ago, but this game takes the cake in terms of sexual violence against women in popular culture and entertainment. That particular concept is the hardest for me to reconcile – the fact that rape is not only commodified in this situation but it is presented as a form of entertainment & cheap thrills.

Here are some excellent articles on Rapelay & eroge:

Slate: And You Thought Grand Theft Auto Was Bad
The Telegraph: Rapelay virtual rape game banned by Amazon
Shakesville: Looking for Rape Products? Try Amazon
Jezebel: Overstock.com, eBay Remove Rape Simulation Game

Thoughts? Rants? Comment below.

- Dollface

11 comments

February 21, 2009

21st Century Misogyny

by Kelly

If you haven’t heard about the Rihanna and Chris Brown domestic violence controversy you might be living under a rock. While I don’t personally follow celebrity gossip, the media has made it nearly impossible to ignore this scandal. It’s all over television and of course, the internet. Blogs of all sorts have weighed in on the drama – gossip blogs have followed the rumors, while feminist blogs like Shakesville have discussed the treatment of Rihanna by the media.

Recently, pictures of Rihanna after being abused by Chris Brown have been circulated on the internet. My heart goes out to Rihanna, because not only is this a violation of her privacy, but people from all walks of life are judging her life and her decisions. However, what is even more shocking (yes, it gets worse) are the comments on the blogs that have posted the picture of Rihanna’s bruises. Here is a sampling of the comments I’ve seen on several gossip blogs.

(The following comments were originally posted here).

“LOl never thought she was hot anyways now she looks like a monster, I’m pretty sure no one would have known if it wasn’t someoneelse who called the police. she would have kept it a secret” – Sora

“well done son, gave her a propoer ass whoopin, silly girl deserved it…..i love chris brown forever!! blup blup blup !” – woman basher 4 life

“i think that this pic looks far worse than it realli was. i mean whose 2 sey that chris brown actually did all this 2 her. females lie jus like niggaz. & if she’s as grimy as i heard, then this isnt probably all chris’s work! & yess im standin up 4 chris becuz im a loyal fan & neither one of us know the real story. so everyone needs 2 chill cuz we dont know FACTSS!!” – quiauna

“bwahahaha…SHE DESERVES IT!!!!!!!!!!!” – Jerry & Joes

“Holla at cha boy Chris… he let a HO KNOW! Slapped her so hard it sent her brain back to Trinidad!
No one is above an ass whooping! Anyone acts up they will get BEAT DOWN!
Holla!” – KimchiGUN

“Chris Brown is a SISSY…
If I was 6 foot and 160lbs of lean muscle, I would have broke a bitches nose!” – KimchiGUN (again)

There are hundreds more comments like this on that blog and others. There were some supportive comments (like this one: “I don’t like looking at this picture…It’s quite exploitative. Rihanna’s emotional and physical bruises are a private matter. I realize there’s no way to prevent media coverage on this, but I do think there should be limits as to how far it delves into very personal situations. Does anyone else agree with me on this?” – Lauren Davis) but overall, I find the misogyny in these comments appalling! This kind of attitude towards domestic violence is troubling; it is a serious issue that should not be taken lightly. I don’t really have words to express how I feel about this, just a mixture of anger, sadness, and disgust.

What are your thoughts?

12 comments

February 19, 2009

Guest Post: Why I Became a Feminist, Pt. 4

by Kelly

In class last week, my professor asked us to break into small groups and come up with a definition of feminism. My group and I decided that feminism is a movement to end sexism and all other forms of oppression, discrimination, and violence (such as those based on race, gender identity, sexuality, class, faith, age, ability, etc). More positively, we might have said feminism is a movement for the acknowledgment of all people as free and equal. Judith Butler would add that in this definition, ‘free’ and ‘equal’ are contested zones, each with a constantly shifting meaning that enables feminism to remain alive and relevant. Because of the massive scope of the movement, its perpetually changing goals, and the diversity of its constituents, I believe individually tailoring your own feminism is the best way to get involved in today’s feminist movement. While bell hooks feared this would lead to compromises on important issues and argued against “lifestyle feminism,” wherein everybody is able to decide for themselves what feminism means, I believe this type of understanding is necessary in order to ensure feminism’s inclusiveness of all oppressed peoples (in our world, everyone). In my opinion, anyone who is willing to self-identify as a feminist and believe in at least one feminist cause should be encouraged. Only a welcoming and mutually respectful feminist community will be able to build the bridges necessary to unite people of varying degrees and forms of feminism in the effort to improve our world.

So, that said, why and how am I a feminist? What is the connection between feminism and my lifestyle?

The light-hearted answer that I give is that it’s impossible to like sex as much as I do, be a girl, and not be a feminist. As a female who likes to have lots of fun, frequently, with a variety of partners (safely!), I need to be outspoken and confident about the fact that I am doing exactly what I want. If I do not make it overwhelmingly clear that I am happy with my choices, the assumption is that I should be ashamed of them. I am a feminist because the world expects me to be a virgin, or at least monogamous, and I cannot tolerate either of those options.

I think one of the main reasons people are so dismayed by my sex life is that Americans seldom engage with female sexual pleasure. In high school sex ed we learn all about scary sex. We’re told abstinence is safe, sex can lead to STDs, condoms are not always safe, sex can lead to pregnancy, and birth control is not always safe. We learn about not having heteronormative sex because male orgasms make kids. Since female orgasms are not necessary for procreation, and sex ed is about preventative rather than pleasurable sexuality, female sexuality is erased. I believe the acknowledgment of male pleasure is closely tied to the fact that all of my male friends have had orgasms, and the erasure of female pleasure contributes to many of my female friends’ complete lack of awareness of their sexuality. I will continue to be a feminist at least until all my friends start climaxing.

Another major obstruction to healthy sexuality is associating someone’s self-worth with the number of sexual partners they have had. For men, worth is generally viewed as increasing with every additional partner, and for females the opposite is true. This is especially clear in our societies treatment of virginity, something for which men are ridiculed and females are rewarded (up to $3.8 million apparently). I remember that right after I started having sex, I told my mom that I was thinking about having sex in order to gauge what her reaction would be. She urged me to wait longer, saying “if you start having sex now, you’ll probably sleep with other people before you get married, and when you finally do find the right person you’ll feel bad about that and wish you hadn’t done it.” This year I emailed my mom and suggested a “performative model” for understanding sex. In this model, I explained, virgins would be analogous to amateur musicians with lofty dreams but little skill, practice would make perfect, and new partners would be seen as an exciting avenue for growth. I am a feminist because I have claimed my number, rather than let it own me.

These are some of the things I mention when I talk to people about feminism. Lots of people, male and female, have never questioned their understanding of gender and sexuality before and they find it really interesting. Many will even add additional reasons to the why I’m a feminist list, whether or not they have had experience with feminism before our conversation. bell hooks was very right when she suggested that most people do not identify as feminists simply because they are unaware of what it means.

Despite these positive responses, I only rarely tell people the serious reason I’m a feminist. For a long time I never talked about being date raped because, like many girls, I didn’t realize what happened to me was rape. There were no strangers, no weapons, and no date rape drugs. There was only a very long argument, which began when I said that I wasn’t in the mood for sex. My boyfriend yelled at me until I started to wonder if I was being as mean as he said I was for refusing to do “just one little thing for him”. I wasn’t sure what I had done wrong, but I knew it had to be really bad since he was so angry. Eventually I stopped saying no because that seemed to be what he wanted. Over a year later I read an article about acquaintance rape and finally realized I had been justified after all in not wanting to have sex. Today, I am a feminist because I think that if I had been then I might have been more aware of my rights and because I think if he had been then he might have respected my choice more.

Feminism remains essential in today’s world, because women and others continue to be oppressed by the structure and assumptions of our society. It is my hope that by encouraging everyone to work towards a feminist cause that they feel passionate about we will be able to create a movement strong enough to make a dramatic positive impact. If everyone were to become a little bit of a feminist, I think it would start to dismantle the constructions of aggressive males and acquiescing females, making our world a safer and more egalitarian place.

I personally want to help enable women to say both yes and no to sex, because I think consent is an essential component of achieving control over our bodies, which in turn is necessary to becoming both free and equal. My style of feminism has only barely started to engage with issues of race and class, because as a privileged white middle class woman I only recently became aware these issues really existed. Similarly, my knowledge about and contributions to the feminist movement have been very blog-centric, because this is an easy avenue to me. My efforts to expand beyond the internet have led to discussions with my friends, family, and coworkers but still not very far into other communities. That’s why I need you to become and remain a feminist. Please, address my flaws. Talk about the things I don’t realize matter and talk to the people I haven’t met.

Tell them why and how you are a feminist.

- Jessica Annabelle

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Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3 of the series.

10 comments

January 27, 2009

A Letter of Protest

by Kelly

Dear College,

I recently heard from one of my Women’s Studies professors that you intend to change the title of the Women’s Studies major to “Gender & Queer Studies.” I applaud your interest in gender and queer studies, but I would like to protest this title change.

By changing the curriculum and title of the Women’s Studies major, you are taking away the one “female-centric” area of study at our college. While many other disciplines address women’s issues and history, they do so in a cursory manner, often treating women as subjects without agency. The few women discussed are “tokens” and “exceptions” rather than the rule (and might I add that women of color are mentioned even less).

Some might say that there is less of a need for feminist courses as women in the United States gain more agency, independence and equal rights. However, when one considers that there are still discriminatory practices in the workplace, a substantial wage gap between the sexes, and a lack of paid and comprehensive maternity leave – not to mention the many other issues women face globally – it is glaringly apparent that equality has not been achieved. The critical examination of the political and social institutions that make up our society is one of the primary aims of a liberal arts college. In like manner, the Women’s Studies major re-evaluates old frameworks, brings to light new histories, and encourages an atmosphere of rigorous study. As an area of study, it is both meaningful and relevant.

Another concern I have about eliminating Women’s Studies as a major is the fact that it creates an environment in which male studies could potentially re-gain dominance. In queer studies, for example, classes might place more emphasis on the white male homosexual experience rather than that of lesbians or gay people of color. To avoid this, I believe that it is important to keep at least one major in which women are the focus of study.

My proposal, therefore, is that a Gender & Queer Studies major could be created as a separate entity. If there are overlapping courses and topics, then these could be listed under both majors. It is important to remember that Women’s Studies courses are not about gender, but rather about women. While some Women’s Studies courses naturally address gender roles, there are also classes about the history of women, the concerns of women in the workplace, and female writers and artists. These are gender-specific studies, not gender studies.

Until all studies are women’s studies, I do not support this change in title and curriculum.

Respectfully,
Dollface

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Now here’s the million dollar question: if I were to actually send this in, would it change anything? According to my professor, this title change is deeply debated by the faculty members involved in Women’s Studies, with half supporting the change and the other half protesting it. What are your thoughts? Does/did your campus have a Women’s Studies major & if so, would you fight the administration over this kind of issue?

9 comments

January 25, 2009

Girls Just Wanna…Get Approval From Men??

by Kelly

I’d like to share some of my blog stats with everyone.

Total hits: 43,113
Average hits per post: 200-400 hits (with a few outliers)
Top post: 5,901 hits (in 3 days)

That top post? Ian’s views on feminism that was published a few days ago. Now, I love any huge traffic coming my way because it gives the blog more exposure, so I’m not complaining. I also found Ian’s post to be inspirational and engaging, or else I never would have posted it. But, after reading the comments and listening to some long-time readers’ views I do notice that his post has received more positive comments and emails than mine generally have. In fact, in looking at comparable feminist sites with roughly the same readership, I rarely see the same outpouring of positivity from readers (and so few trolls).

So what’s the deal? Ian himself has told me he doesn’t want to overshadow my voice as a female feminist (another reason to praise the guy!) and I don’t regret showcasing a male feminist POV and hope to include similar views in the future on my blog. On one condition.

We’ve got to all take a step back and say…why is it so fabulous and rare that a man like Ian exists? Why is a man stating the same ideas that feminist writers have been expressing for generations a cause for celebration and awe? Shouldn’t that kind of enlightened thinking be the norm for men? I would hate to belittle Ian’s post in any way; it is because of the general attitude of society towards feminism that makes his post so unique and refreshing. Yet, let us not forget that it is not enough to pat one man on the back and say “Thank you for seeing our side and helping our cause” and then go back to our daily life, thinking there’s renewed hope for feminism. We need to support the women who are fighting for this cause as well.

Having a vagina doesn’t make you a feminist, and I can attest to the fact that you definitely don’t wake up over night and say “Aha! That’s why I’m pro-choice/anti-racist/etc.” Our beliefs are shaped by our experiences, our knowledge, and a continuing conversation with ourselves and others. Even though hard-hitting feminist posts may seem to come easily to some women, they are labors of passion and activism that are deserving of positive & generous attention.

So, in honor of all my lovely fellow (female) bloggers, I’m going to round up some feminist posts I’ve been enjoying lately. If you haven’t read or commented on these articles yet, it’d be great if you could send some love their way. A stumble would be nice, or a shout out on reddit. Let’s keep our blogging community strong. I’m not out to get thousands of hits, I just want to make a difference. I think that goes for most of these women too.

Blog for Choice 2009 (@ Evilslutopia)

Special Post – Inauguration Day (@ Ojibway Migisi Bineshii)

Michelle Obama: Mother or Career Woman? (@ Viva La Feminista)

Being “colour blind” is NOT a solution (@ Uppity Brown Woman)

Women & the Oscar Nominations (@ Women and Hollywood)

Proud to be… Fat? What Exactly Counts as “Fat?” (@ Dolly Speaks)

If You Were Forced to Lose Your Name… (@ Scales of Libra)

Fat Acceptance 101 (@ The Rotund)

Picture It. It’s 1973. You are a housewife. (@ The Happy Feminist)

The View Takes On Anne Coulter (@ Womanist Musings)

What if we loved fat girls as much as we love the “bowl full of jelly” Santa? (@ Professor, What If…?)

Ageism Is The Last Acceptable Form Of Discrimination (@ Mom Grind)