“The only kind of work which permits an able woman to realize her abilities fully, to achieve identity in society in a life plan that can encompass marriage and motherhood, is the kind that was forbidden by the feminine mystique, the lifelong commitment to an art or science, to politics or profession.”
- Betty Friedan

Last Friday I was sitting in one of my classes, nearly nodding off. We were discussing Betty Friedan’s Feminine Mystique and, for someone who was born into third wave feminism, it sounded like the same old stuff: women aren’t reaching their full human potentials as housewives, they deserve to have careers and education, and so on.

I was perfectly complacent until I happened to glance at the notebook of the girl sitting next to me. She was writing a comment to her male friend, “I think many men AND women still think a woman’s role should be in the home. It’s only a small number of people who frown on women being housewives. Right??”

Um…hold up. Was the Women’s Lib Movement a dream? Do women choose, overwhelmingly, to be a wife, mother, and homemaker…and nothing else?

Okay, pop culture is giving us some pretty warped ideas lately. While 50’s women lived up to a notion of “femininity” as the perfect wife, mother, and consumer, we now have to live up to the “sexy” image provided by TV shows like The Desperate Housewives: we not only freelance from home but we’re keen interior decorators with bouncy silicone breasts and highlights in our hair. According to television, movies, and so on, the modern woman can have a career…so long as she balances it with her mothering and homemaking skills. Miranda Priestly in The Devil Wears Prada is constantly derided for putting work first: as a consequence her husband(s) divorce her and her children are bratty. The working woman is soulless in the mainstream media…until of course, she undergoes the Stepford Wife treatment.

I wish I could have told that girl in my class that no, most people don’t think women should just be in home…rather, people believe they should do it all: tackle your career, your bathroom mop, and your love life with the same fanatical zeal. If you’re lucky, you’ll come out on top, like a veritable “Super Woman.” However, as most women know, that is a myth no one can truly embody.

I’ve also been hearing the argument lately, “What if I want to be a housewife? You can’t look down on me for that.” My response is this: women have choices now (in certain countries and, notably, in only the more affluent classes). If your choice is to be a housewife, great. But it’s my choice to think that kind of life wastes a woman’s human potential. Don’t get me wrong, I want a husband, kids, and a home, but I would not feel fulfilled if I didn’t have a tie to the outside world: a career, a raison d’être. If your sole goal is to pop out a few and chase after them with disposable wipes, be my guest. Just keep in mind, “The only way for a woman, as for a man, to find herself, to know herself as a person, is by creative work of her own. There is no other way.” – Betty Friedan

What do you think? Is it possible to balance a vibrant home life and a career? Do you struggle with the effort of it all? Or do you think women shouldn’t work at all? Comment away!

The latest trend in marital surnames seems to be the hyphenated name. Romijn-Stamos, Jolie-Pitt. If the celebrities are doing it, why not? However, this seems to be more complicated than it needs to be. Whose name goes first? Will your children take both names or choose one? What if they marry and want a hyphenated name? Will there be little Jolie-Pitt-Smiths running around in the next few decades?

However, many feminists would also argue that the women’s rights movement is about equality of choice between men and women. Under that logic, it would really depend on the individual to decide whether to take their spouse’s name. If a woman finds it romantic to take her husband’s surname, then by all means, do so!

Unfortunately, in a patriarchal society like the United States, men taking on a woman’s name is stigmatized to a certain degree. If a man even wants to take on his wife’s surname, he faces confusion & misunderstanding from others. If women can make the choice with ease, men should be able to as well. Interestingly enough, men face legal obstacles in some states when it comes to changing their name. Only in some states (such as Georgia, Iowa, Hawaii, and Massachusetts) are there provisions under the law that allow for men to change their name through marriage just as easily as women. For there to be a true equality of choice, there should be such provisions in every state.

Let me not forget to address same-sex couples. In the state of Massachusetts and parts of California it is possible for same-sex couples to get married. In these marriages, deciding to take on your spouse’s name is really up to the individual. However, since these couples are the same sex, are there provisions under the law for an easy name-change? I tried looking this up, but couldn’t find much information. Questions like these will become more prominent once same-sex marriages are legalized in more states (hopefully sooner than later).