Rotten Little Girls

Tag: mother

The Question of Female Violence

by Kelly

A recent case has been covered by the views in which a woman is accused of raping and murdering a female child. While this is no doubt a tragic case, it is also the source of much controversy. Many people are in disbelief that a woman – and a mother, no less – could brutalize a child in such a way. Many claim she must have had a male accomplice (despite strong evidence to the contrary).

monster_movieIt is interesting to me that our society cannot accept the notion that women are capable of violence and cruelty equal to that of some men. Certain kinds of violence are associated primarily with women (like hitting, pinching, biting, scratching, and so on), whereas other forms of violence are often associated with men (such as punching, head-slamming, kicking, and rape). Rape in particular is usually defined as a sexual crime committed by a man on a woman or man, but women are rarely found to be sexual aggressors. Yet, just because it is rare doesn’t make it impossible.

When a woman kills we cannot begin to fathom her motives. We are uncomfortable with the very idea of a mother harming a child, let alone sexually assaulting that child. Yet at the same time, we hear of fathers sexually abusing children all too commonly. At what point do we abandon our preconceived notions of gender and behavior? Do statistics on violent crimes and who commits them prove that there is an essential difference between men and women? Or do we just chalk it up to the fact that some people (no matter their gender) are just majorly fucked up?

badgirlsclub1

Female violence is all too often eroticized for male pleasure (“catfights” and bikini mud-wrestling, anyone?), yet woe be the woman who raises a hand against a man. Female violence, in reality, is often thought to provoke male violence (in other words, male violence is justifiable if a woman hits first; it is appropriate to retaliate). For example, many rumors circulating around the Chris Brown/Rihanna domestic abuse case perpetuated the idea that Rihanna provoked her beating by hitting or slapping Chris Brown. This brings up some important questions:

1) Is there ever a situation in which violence is acceptable and/or justifiable?
2) Is there any instance in which male violence towards females is justified? What about female violence directed toward a male? Male to male? And so on.

guncIdeally, in the Chris Brown/Rihanna case, one or both parties would have walked away before the situation escalated. However, I think it is important to note that Chris Brown was in the car’s driver’s seat and therefore had more power to stop the situation and/or allow Rihanna to leave peacefully. Whether Rihanna started the physical fight or not, I do not think he was right to retaliate with more violence. Not only is Chris Brown stronger than Rihanna, but his punches definitely did more damage than any alleged hitting or slapping (which we can see from the gruesome pictures spread on the internet in the recent months). Of course, I am not advocating female violence against men either. Unfortunately, there seem to be countless grey areas when it comes to domestic violence and other violent situations.

What are your thoughts on violence (either towards women or perpetrated by women?) Do you have an answer to any of the questions I posed above? I’d love to hear your thoughts, as this is a complicated topic with perhaps no right answer.

- Dollface

P.S. I highly recommend “A Question of Silence” by Dutch filmmaker Marleen Gorris. It is a provocative film about three women who kill a male shopkeeper for no apparent reason. It centers around the female psychologist who begins to empathize with the women. Raises so many interesting questions about women and violence, patriarchy, the sisterhood of women, and subverting the social order.

Do As You’re Told — Or Not

by Guest Blogger

I read many blogs, some of which are written by mothers who talk about their parenting methods. So naturally I reflect on how my parents raised me, and how I feel about the role of a parent when I read such entries. In retrospect, I’m more or less satisfied with how my parents did because I think I came out “all right” despite some shortcomings on their part. That doesn’t mean I can’t be critical because there are glaring mistakes and/or omissions in what they taught me, consciously and subconsciously.

motherstalkes_228x259In fact, they seemingly “forgot” to inform me about sexuality or sex in general. Ahem. My friends, this is big. Sexuality is an essential part of us, and it’s so important that we know about it, lest we become perverted pedophilic demons (Extreme? Maybe). But really, as an adult now, I’m looking at the way my parents treated the topic with increasing suspicions. I’m pointing to specific instances with dismay, “Dad, now…now it probably wasn’t the best way to approach the topic of sex when you randomly blurted out ‘No pre-marital sex!’ at the dinner table.” You know?

It’s when I look back at those AOL instant message conversations that started out innocently enough that went awry when nasty men asked me, age 11 at the time, if I “spit or swallowed,” darling. Now you might say that I should have known better than to join chat rooms at such a young age, better yet, that I should have known better than to keep going to those chat rooms. But what’s a curious kid to do in that situation? I personally didn’t have any clue what I was getting myself into, especially since my parents weren’t at all aware of how those perverts could possibly communicate with their innocent little daughter. Nor could they even say the word ‘sex’ without blushing. Seriously, we lived like the Victorians. Hello sexual suppression?!

Of course parents are, whether we like it or not, humans who make many mistakes—our own always seem to have made the most. But can that be an excuse? Should we just shrug our shoulders at the countless kids who are being jaded by the minute, or are completely shell-shocked when they get to college and say, ‘Sorry kid, deal’? Pretty depressing wouldn’t you say? But what do we do? Have family sex-ed classes? I’d feel kind of, no, really fucking uncomfortable in that situation. But I’ve had friends who talk with their parents about their sex lives—no problem.

mother-daughter-1For instance, the girl I went on a date with last night told me how her hippie dad gave her a “sex positions encyclopedia for lesbians” last Christmas and said “Have fun!” Now that’s awesome. So that got me thinking about how I’m going to deal with this whole sex thing when I have my own kids. I mean kids are sexual beings and I know I don’t want to suppress any natural actions they take, but almost everyone in the world has a different standard for what’s healthy sexual behavior, mental or physical. While my mom probably views sex as ‘pleasurable with your fiancé until you have sex to have a baby, at which point you stop having sex, period’ and my dad, ‘No pre-marital sex!’, according to friends, many parents engage in fetish-inspired sexual acts. So then how can a parent help their child find their own sexuality by guiding them through the hoops of fire so that the child will come out of adolescence thinking, “Hey, I came out all right”?

Well, clearly I’m no expert in this and you probably sensed that a long time ago. So I’ll turn the tables on you—what do you think your parents did right in terms of sex-ed? What did they do wrong? And while you’re pondering, read this funny (and frustrating) story about my mom.

I was 17 at the time and had been dating a boy I lusted for about a couple of weeks or so. Due to said lust, we were at third base by then (eating each other out, blah blah blah) and so my mom’s question “So, have you two kissed yet?” was both cute and embarrassing. Thinking naively that she wanted our relationship to evolve into the hip and progressive, “mother and daughter—best friends for life, we share everything we each other,” I said, “Yes!” with a few giggles. Boy was I surprised when her eyes slanted upward, and she spit out fire as she admonished me that “Hina, you’re still too young!”

She tricked me! She SO tricked me! Well, I simply cannot believe her recent complaints, “Hina, you haven’t told me about your love life in a while,” after such a trick. Imagine how she would react if I told her that I’m seeing a girl right now? Oh baby. That’s a fun one to think about.

So tell me about your parents. Are they flawless? Did they scold you in front of you and your naked partner? Do they have raunchy sex that you can hear through the walls? If you were to have kids/if you have kids/when you have kids, how would you deal with sex-ed?

- Hina

Woman, Get Thee to the Kitchen!

by Kelly


“The only kind of work which permits an able woman to realize her abilities fully, to achieve identity in society in a life plan that can encompass marriage and motherhood, is the kind that was forbidden by the feminine mystique, the lifelong commitment to an art or science, to politics or profession.”
- Betty Friedan

Last Friday I was sitting in one of my classes, nearly nodding off. We were discussing Betty Friedan’s Feminine Mystique and, for someone who was born into third wave feminism, it sounded like the same old stuff: women aren’t reaching their full human potentials as housewives, they deserve to have careers and education, and so on.


I was perfectly complacent until I happened to glance at the notebook of the girl sitting next to me. She was writing a comment to her male friend, “I think many men AND women still think a woman’s role should be in the home. It’s only a small number of people who frown on women being housewives. Right??”

Um…hold up. Was the Women’s Lib Movement a dream?
Do women choose, overwhelmingly, to be a wife, mother, and homemaker…and nothing else?

Okay, pop culture is giving us some pretty warped ideas lately. While 50’s women lived up to a notion of “femininity” as the perfect wife, mother, and consumer, we now have to live up to the “sexy” image provided by TV shows like The Desperate Housewives: we not only freelance from home but we’re keen interior decorators with bouncy silicone breasts and highlights in our hair. According to television, movies, and so on, the modern woman can have a career…so long as she balances it with her mothering and homemaking skills. Miranda Priestly in The Devil Wears Prada is constantly derided for putting work first: as a consequence her husband(s) divorce her and her children are bratty. The working woman is soulless in the mainstream media…until of course, she undergoes the Stepford Wife treatment.

I wish I could have told that girl in my class that no, most people don’t think women should just be in home…rather, people believe they should do it all: tackle your career, your bathroom mop, and your love life with the same fanatical zeal. If you’re lucky, you’ll come out on top, like a veritable “Super Woman.” However, as most women know, that is a myth no one can truly embody.

I’ve also been hearing the argument lately, “What if I want to be a housewife? You can’t look down on me for that.” My response is this: women have choices now (in certain countries and, notably, in only the more affluent classes). If your choice is to be a housewife, great. But it’s my choice to think that kind of life wastes a woman’s human potential. Don’t get me wrong, I want a husband, kids, and a home, but I would not feel fulfilled if I didn’t have a tie to the outside world: a career, a raison d’être. If your sole goal is to pop out a few and chase after them with disposable wipes, be my guest. Just keep in mind, “The only way for a woman, as for a man, to find herself, to know herself as a person, is by creative work of her own. There is no other way.” – Betty Friedan

What do you think? Is it possible to balance a vibrant home life and a career? Do you struggle with the effort of it all? Or do you think women shouldn’t work at all? Comment away!

Check out Part II of this post: Men, Get Thee to the Kitchen!

Photo Credits

10 Signs Your Parents are Getting a Divorce

by Kelly

As the children of divorce in a country that has an ever-increasing divorce rate, we’ve compiled a short list of signs your parents are getting divorced. Some are obviously tongue-in-cheek, but you wouldn’t believe how many are true!

1. Your father works really late…but never has any money.

2. Your mother spends a lot of time with her personal trainer.

3. Your father sleeps on the couch.

4. Your mother throws her wedding china so much that you only have 5 plates and 3 dinner knives left.

5. Last Saturday you woke up and your father’s golf clubs were strewn across the lawn.

6. Your allowance mysteriously increased by $10 (it used to be $5).

7. Your parents fight over how to raise their children…in front you.

8. Your mother starts wearing make-up again and dyes her hair blonde.

9. You find your parent’s profile on an online dating site.

10. Your dad works out in the garage…naked.

Photo Credits

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