Rotten Little Girls

Tag: men

June 25, 2009

Guest Post: Unpacking My White Male Privilege

by Ian

This is going to be about privilege, how I figured out mine, and the role porn played in all of it. It’s going to be anecdotal and non-scientific, but I think it’s an important subject.

Privilege is designed to be invisible, it’s designed to seem natural, and it’s one of the major challenges that anyone trying to end inequality has to face. It is the way societies reward the dominant group, just because they are dominant. It’s an exclusive club with all the best toys.

I was confronted by the invisibility of it all at work a bit ago. I work at a call center for a web-hosting company helping people maintain their sites and dealing with any problems they have with our servers. One of the major rules we have is no adult content, which basically means no sexualized nudity…otherwise known as ‘porn.’ When we find some on the servers, we give them 24 hours to remove it or find a new host. This happened today when I received a call from a woman angry because we had shut her down for hosting a pornographic chat site. Throughout the call I pepper in the phrase “naked men and women,” which sets her off. For some reason she got upset, and shouted “what the hell are you talking about, there are no naked men online.” I told you this to make you think about it. The internet is full of porn, and almost all of it is of college-age girls. There are other markets of course, but this is the main one. It’s just an element of male privilege to know that your fetish is there for you to find, no matter what.

Porn is a touchy subject in feminism. It’s something that has created a great debate and neither side can seem to come to an agreement. I personally came to the conclusion that I needed to remove it from my life, but I avoid criticizing others for not doing the same. I realized that while I don’t have a problem with pornographic materials in and of themselves I have a problem with the submissive and objectified nature of most of it. Even supposed ‘positive porn’ such as the Naughty America series (which claims to be a female positive company.) In almost all of the porn I have ever seen, the woman was nothing more than a cum dumpster or sex doll whose sole purpose was to get the male star off. There is no concern for the woman and she is just there to do the servicing. It just helps reinforce the idea that a woman gets fucked and that her value is that of a sexual object, not a sexual partner. This is just something I don’t wish to consume anymore, out of respect for my beliefs and for the women that I know. It’s a part of the privilege system and I think most of us can agree that is a problem.

whitepriv

In order to get away from this system you have to acknowledge your role and try to get past it. Here are a few examples that I have put together from my list of my privilege:

* If I lost my job, there would likely be another. If it took me a while to find one and I had to partake in government assistance, I wouldn't be considered a stereotype of my race or gender.

* I can go almost where ever I want, as long as I can afford it, with little fear for my safety and with no one questioning my right to be there.

* I am almost guaranteed a fair trial in almost everything but custody cases.

* If I look through a history book, it's completely filled with examples of people that look like me acting bravely and selflessly.

* If I were to be profiled it would almost always be in my favor.

* Someone who looks like me, with my genitalia, is almost always in charge.

So please make your list; it helps, I promise. Together we can work on unpacking our privilege and overcoming inequality.

- Ian

For more information on privilege, check out this article.
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Note: I’ve added Ian’s name to the sidebar; be sure to check out his other posts by clicking his name! – Dollface

6 comments
April 22, 2009

The Question of Female Violence

by Kelly

A recent case has been covered by the views in which a woman is accused of raping and murdering a female child. While this is no doubt a tragic case, it is also the source of much controversy. Many people are in disbelief that a woman – and a mother, no less – could brutalize a child in such a way. Many claim she must have had a male accomplice (despite strong evidence to the contrary).

monster_movieIt is interesting to me that our society cannot accept the notion that women are capable of violence and cruelty equal to that of some men. Certain kinds of violence are associated primarily with women (like hitting, pinching, biting, scratching, and so on), whereas other forms of violence are often associated with men (such as punching, head-slamming, kicking, and rape). Rape in particular is usually defined as a sexual crime committed by a man on a woman or man, but women are rarely found to be sexual aggressors. Yet, just because it is rare doesn’t make it impossible.

When a woman kills we cannot begin to fathom her motives. We are uncomfortable with the very idea of a mother harming a child, let alone sexually assaulting that child. Yet at the same time, we hear of fathers sexually abusing children all too commonly. At what point do we abandon our preconceived notions of gender and behavior? Do statistics on violent crimes and who commits them prove that there is an essential difference between men and women? Or do we just chalk it up to the fact that some people (no matter their gender) are just majorly fucked up?

badgirlsclub1

Female violence is all too often eroticized for male pleasure (“catfights” and bikini mud-wrestling, anyone?), yet woe be the woman who raises a hand against a man. Female violence, in reality, is often thought to provoke male violence (in other words, male violence is justifiable if a woman hits first; it is appropriate to retaliate). For example, many rumors circulating around the Chris Brown/Rihanna domestic abuse case perpetuated the idea that Rihanna provoked her beating by hitting or slapping Chris Brown. This brings up some important questions:

1) Is there ever a situation in which violence is acceptable and/or justifiable?
2) Is there any instance in which male violence towards females is justified? What about female violence directed toward a male? Male to male? And so on.

guncIdeally, in the Chris Brown/Rihanna case, one or both parties would have walked away before the situation escalated. However, I think it is important to note that Chris Brown was in the car’s driver’s seat and therefore had more power to stop the situation and/or allow Rihanna to leave peacefully. Whether Rihanna started the physical fight or not, I do not think he was right to retaliate with more violence. Not only is Chris Brown stronger than Rihanna, but his punches definitely did more damage than any alleged hitting or slapping (which we can see from the gruesome pictures spread on the internet in the recent months). Of course, I am not advocating female violence against men either. Unfortunately, there seem to be countless grey areas when it comes to domestic violence and other violent situations.

What are your thoughts on violence (either towards women or perpetrated by women?) Do you have an answer to any of the questions I posed above? I’d love to hear your thoughts, as this is a complicated topic with perhaps no right answer.

- Dollface

P.S. I highly recommend “A Question of Silence” by Dutch filmmaker Marleen Gorris. It is a provocative film about three women who kill a male shopkeeper for no apparent reason. It centers around the female psychologist who begins to empathize with the women. Raises so many interesting questions about women and violence, patriarchy, the sisterhood of women, and subverting the social order.

10 comments
January 27, 2009

A Letter of Protest

by Kelly

Dear College,

I recently heard from one of my Women’s Studies professors that you intend to change the title of the Women’s Studies major to “Gender & Queer Studies.” I applaud your interest in gender and queer studies, but I would like to protest this title change.

By changing the curriculum and title of the Women’s Studies major, you are taking away the one “female-centric” area of study at our college. While many other disciplines address women’s issues and history, they do so in a cursory manner, often treating women as subjects without agency. The few women discussed are “tokens” and “exceptions” rather than the rule (and might I add that women of color are mentioned even less).

Some might say that there is less of a need for feminist courses as women in the United States gain more agency, independence and equal rights. However, when one considers that there are still discriminatory practices in the workplace, a substantial wage gap between the sexes, and a lack of paid and comprehensive maternity leave – not to mention the many other issues women face globally – it is glaringly apparent that equality has not been achieved. The critical examination of the political and social institutions that make up our society is one of the primary aims of a liberal arts college. In like manner, the Women’s Studies major re-evaluates old frameworks, brings to light new histories, and encourages an atmosphere of rigorous study. As an area of study, it is both meaningful and relevant.

Another concern I have about eliminating Women’s Studies as a major is the fact that it creates an environment in which male studies could potentially re-gain dominance. In queer studies, for example, classes might place more emphasis on the white male homosexual experience rather than that of lesbians or gay people of color. To avoid this, I believe that it is important to keep at least one major in which women are the focus of study.

My proposal, therefore, is that a Gender & Queer Studies major could be created as a separate entity. If there are overlapping courses and topics, then these could be listed under both majors. It is important to remember that Women’s Studies courses are not about gender, but rather about women. While some Women’s Studies courses naturally address gender roles, there are also classes about the history of women, the concerns of women in the workplace, and female writers and artists. These are gender-specific studies, not gender studies.

Until all studies are women’s studies, I do not support this change in title and curriculum.

Respectfully,
Dollface

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Now here’s the million dollar question: if I were to actually send this in, would it change anything? According to my professor, this title change is deeply debated by the faculty members involved in Women’s Studies, with half supporting the change and the other half protesting it. What are your thoughts? Does/did your campus have a Women’s Studies major & if so, would you fight the administration over this kind of issue?

9 comments
January 22, 2009

Guest Post: Why I Became a Feminist, Pt. 3

by Ian

I am a man; I am a feminist. This is not the contradiction that it can appear to some people. In fact, I think being a feminist makes me a better man, the kind of man that I can be proud to be. It doesn’t mean that I want women to be superior to me or that I have any less desire to be a man. It means that my definition of being a man is different. It means that I don’t feel domination and oppression based on arbitrary gender roles have anything to do with being a man. I know that what makes me a man is simply genetics; that it’s my choices in life that matter and not my genitalia.

I think I can trace my feminism back to my mother and father, both staunch conservatives while I was growing up. My father was in the military and my mother was very open to being dominated; she would do what ever he wanted, almost without question. Even at eight years old, something about that didn’t seem right. I felt bad for my mom, like she was getting a raw deal. I don’t want to give off the impression that my father was abusive or that he demanded that sort of treatment, but it just seemed to be how it was. At one point, my dad went overseas for a year and my mom took a nose-dive right to the couch, barely moving from her comfort zone. Without my father around she didn’t know what to do; it was during that year that I came to the conclusion, without a doubt, that things shouldn’t be that way. No one person, man or woman, should be so dependent on another person that they cannot live their life without them. Now, I know that what happened to my mother was not simply a function of her devotion to my father, but also as a part of a series of mental conditions she later became diagnosed with, but the impression was still there. Some things never leave you.

My family wasn’t the only formative element in my development, throughout the years, I became friends with many different women. I don’t mean that I made female friends in an effort to have sex with them, although I am ashamed to admit that was something I did in my younger years. But no one is perfect. As I formed these friendships I began to notice the kind of things that other men my age were doing and saying about the women I knew and didn’t know. Women to most of them were nothing more than objects of desire, things to be had and used until they were done with them. Had they taken the time to get to know the girls that they were talking about, they could have realized how much more they had to offer than “ass, titties, and blow jobs.” I began to hear stories from more of my friends than I ever thought possible. These were about guys who would force themselves into a position in which my friends felt that they had to sleep with them. It was rape through emotional force as far as I saw, and it made me sick. I can’t tell you how many girls I knew that would go out on dates with young soldiers–fresh out of basic, full of testosterone, and a sense of entitlement–who would come back and cry to me about being raped. They were all too scared to say anything, because on post (like everywhere) it was always assumed that she had been willing to have sex or she wouldn’t have been in the guys barracks. If she was lucky, the guy would be charged with statutory rape and maybe get kicked out of the Army. At least half of the women I have dated throughout the years have confided in me that their fathers, uncles, brothers, or neighbors had molested them. One in particular had been molested at (roughly) six years old; she still has nightmares to this day about those terrible events. I am thankful everyday that the woman I love more than I have ever loved has never had to deal with that. I hope to someday leave a world where no one else will. Some things never leave you.

In high school I discovered radical politics. At some point most people toy with ideas like socialism and anarchism, or their polar opposites (although I’ve never known anyone to seriously espouse the virtues of fascism.) I read about populist movements, workers rights, and class warfare. I read Noam Chomsky, Rigoberta Menchu, Karl Marx, and Emma Goldman. I came to the conclusion early on that equality and egalitarianism meant everyone and not only a certain type of people. I have marched in LGBT rallies, seen inflammatory political speeches given by some of the most intelligent people I have ever met, and I have sat through class after class designed to teach me the importance of history (all of which were led by women who I could never imagine being superior to simply because they had a vagina). My studies of history have shown me how far we’ve come and how much more work we as a society need to do. Women are still underrepresented in our history books. They were rich and vibrant characters, not just fashion accessories.

I am not the best candidate for becoming a feminist, but here I am. I grew up in a Southern, conservative, military family and spent much of my time in southern conservative, military towns. I am American, white, and male, which makes me part of the most privileged group of people to ever walk this earth, but here I am. I have learned lessons that most men will never learn, because some things will never leave you.

- Ian

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The “Why I Became a Feminist” series is open to anyone who identifies as feminist and wants to share their story. Please email me at rottenlittlegirls @ gmail.com and I will consider publishing your piece in this series. I’d love to have a broad range of voices and experiences.

Part 1 and Part 2 of the series.

28 comments
January 18, 2009

End of the Week Links

by Kelly

onbackmakesureyoucallhimmrpresident

–> Racialicious has a pertinent article about…wait for it: Michelle Obama’s ass. Or rather, why the media should be focusing on Michelle’s more important attributes (like, her achievements? her brain?). The post also briefly discusses the history of attitudes towards women of color & their appearance, with emphasis on the sexual appeal of the derriere.

–> I stumbled upon a new blog I enjoy, entitled Mom Grind. Check out two of her articles: “I Read a Vogue Article and Now my Brain Hurts” and “20 Ways to Help Your Child Develop a Positive Self Image“. I’m not a parent at the moment but the article is useful and enlightening nonetheless.

–> Dolly recently posted about whether men can be called feminists. Some interesting related articles are “Why Men Should Care About Gender Stereotypes” from The F Word and “Boys Needed” at Splice Today, which is an article about why we need male voices in feminism. Thought-provoking reads for all genders!

–> A guide to holding a Pro-choice counter-protest at a local clinic that provides abortion services. Got this link at The Coat Hanger Project.

–> An eye-opening account of one’s journalists trip on to the Ukraine in search of a mail-order bride. He went with a group of men who paid for a guide to take them around to “socials” where they interact with hundreds of young women who may be interested in getting engaged to an American man (in exchange for wealth, etc). I found the article fascinating.

Hope you had a great weekend. – Dollface

4 comments
January 1, 2009

8 Reasons Sex and the City is not a Good Role Model

by Kelly

sexandthecityentertainment2I love the show Sex and the City & I’m aware it is good, fun entertainment. While many women look to Carrie Bradshaw and her friends as fashion icons, the show itself isn’t a beacon of progressive values & feminist ideals. Sure, the women are independent and open about their sexuality, but upon closer inspection these women are not examples of strong female characters.

For example,

1) Not all men are crazy! The main cast members of Sex and the City (SATC) are constantly dating the most dysfunctional and insane men. Remember shoe fetish guy? The guy who took a shower after sex because of Catholic guilt? The list of crazies that the women run into is pretty extensive and the depiction of men is not very realistic.

2) Why do these women choose $400 shoes over paying the rent? Viewers are constantly hit over the head with blatant consumerism. Demand for Manolo Blahniks increased after the show was released merely because they were Carrie’s shoe of choice. You know, because accumulating more crap is good for the economy and all.

3) Maybe I’m the only one who finds this odd, but how do these women have NO friends or lovers of color? I know it’s the Upper East Side, but come on! Okay, so there are a couple of episodes where one of the women dates a black man but these relationships are weighed down by Hollywood’s favorite interracial couple stereotypes (for example: the white woman might be with the black man because he has a big penis; the black man’s sister is upset that he’s dating a white woman so she gets between their relationship).

4) Every SATC episode sends conflicting messages to women: “Be strong! Be independent! You are incomplete without men!” The message of women’s sexual liberation & independence is pretty heavy-handed throughout the entire show. Yet, the show is focused on the women’s relationships with men. Pick a side, HBO, and stick to it.

5) Considering the show is often centered around women eating together in a café, you’d think there’d be a broader range of body shapes instead of skinny, skinnier, and then Miranda…the “fat” one. Right. I know it’s Hollywood, but stop shoving this tripe down our throats!

6) Where are the lesbian woman? Gay men are a regular “accessory” on the show; the women bring them to parties or clubs when they don’t have a “normal” date. However, there are only a few episodes that feature gay women. During these episodes (surprise, surprise), these lesbian women are depicted as either incapable of being friends with straight women or they’re throwing plates in fits of jealous rage.

7) The women talk about men all day long. What about politics or some other interesting topic? I would find that to be compelling, but apparently it’s not marketable. Miranda’s character does complain about all the conversations centering around men but she’s basically as guilty of it as the rest of the women. The show never really deviates from their time-tested formula: four women discuss men and how stupid/amazing/good in bed they are.

8) The whole premise is just so darn unrealistic. Sex columnist in B-rate daily newspaper spends all her money on expensive shoes, restaurants, and Hamptons timeshares while being friends with other skinny, surprisingly wealthy white women – all the while encountering no people of color, no lesbian women or transgendered people. Yet these women manage to sleep with every mentally deranged man in New York City & the surrounding areas.

So, what are your thoughts? Do you have anything to add to this list? Are there any shows out there with more realistic depictions of people or would that be expecting the impossible from Hollywood?

Happy New Year,
Dollface

Photo Credits

14 comments
September 12, 2008

How to Identify Sexual Harassment

by Kelly

Sexual harassment may not be as rampant as it seems in television shows like Mad Men, but it is still prevalent in many of today’s workplaces. However, as sexism itself becomes more aversive (in other words, subtle and less overt, yet insidiously present), sexual harassment may be harder to identify and combat.


Before the 1970’s, sexual harassment was often seen as “acceptable behavior.” However, as more women entered the workforce in many different kinds of occupations, sexual harassment became more of a problem – a problem that many women didn’t want to put up with anymore. There was, at the time, no legal definition of sexual harassment. However, several Supreme Court cases later, the EEOA (Equal Employment Opportunity Act) put forth some guidelines in order to identify sexual harassment.

Under these guidelines there are two major forms of sexual harassment:

1. Quid Pro Quo – This Latin term literally means “something for something”. Under Quid Pro Quo, sexual harassment occurs when an employee (of any gender) must put up with sexual advances to protect or maintain their a) job b) promotion c) wage increase d) favorable performance evaluation.

2. Hostile Environment – Sometimes there isn’t a clear “exchange” of sexual favors for job security or promotion. That doesn’t mean that sexual harassment isn’t occurring. If a sexually demeaning and hostile work environment is created, that is also sexual harassment. Methods of creating a sexually demeaning work environment include repeated sexual comments, jokes, posters of nude women (or men), innuendo, and cat calls/shouting. Systematic sexual comments are discriminatory and create a hostile environment for workers.

Thanks to 1986 court case Meritor Savings Bank v. Vinson, companies are now held more accountable for the sexual harassment that may occur among their workers. However, while companies can be held responsible, in many cases it is up to the individual to report sexual harassment.


The best steps to take to report sexual harassment are to tell your immediate supervisor and Human Resources (HR). In the case that the sexual harassment is perpetrated by your boss, go to their superior or straight to HR. If you are discouraged by your boss or HR to file a complaint, keep in mind that you have the right to file such a complaint and the corporation can be taken to court for refusing to address the situation. Furthermore, it is very effective to notify the EEOC (Equal Employment Opportunity Commission), which is a commission that deals with workplace discrimination and harassment.


According to a recent study at the University of Melbourne, “people employed in casual and contract work are up to ten times more likely to suffer unwanted sexual advances than those in full time permanent positions”. This shows that not only is sexual harassment still a problem, but that workers who are not, perhaps, as “valuable” to a company due to their temporary status are even more vulnerable to sexual harassment. This is probably due to the fact that the consequences of sexually harassing a casual worker seem less dire since they will not be working there for long. However, workers of both temporary and permanent status must remember that they have the right of a hostile-free working environment.

Here are some informative links for further reading:

Facts About Sexual Harassment
Sexual Harassment Support

Have you ever experienced sexual harassment? Did you successfully report it? Tell us your experiences. I hope this post has been informative & helpful.

Photo Credits

3 comments
August 12, 2008

Addendum to the Comments Policy

by Harlequin

Allllll right ladies and gentlemen….

So, here at therottenlittlegirls.com we have received our first negative poster!  Since we do focus on somewhat controversial issues, this is a moment of pride for us.  So, go on and read and feel free to express your opinions.

BUT be sure to read the comments policy first!

Here is a letter I sent to explain why a certain poster has been disallowed from further commentary:

i simply blocked you because you were incessantly commenting after you had already made your point. enough is enough. we are not angry in spite of what you may believe. we do disagree, and like we said – you have every right to your opinion. it’s not wrong. your comments are still up.

but it is our site. moderation does exist for a reason, and you are right – we are “controlling” our own blog to a certain extent. as much as i dislike censorship, i feel you are abusing the opportunity to comment. you have expressed your opinion multiple times, we have responded, so i think it is time to end the middle school merry go round of discussion.

like i said, we do not have hard feelings. we simply believe that you have expressed your opinion adequately (as have we) and therefore no more comments are necessary. we would like to hear from other readers who may feel insecure about commenting because of your consistent attitude.  with the number of comments you keep leaving, we feel harassed.  since you refuse to embrace the opportunity to stop commenting yourself, we are taking it into our own hands.

thank you, and good luck with your blog.

- Harlequin


Now this commentary is looking a little ridiculous to me.  I am tempted to delete it, but as Dollface and I emphasize in our comments policy, we don’t like to stifle free speech.  We love the comments we get for the most part, even ones that we disagree with.  Engaging in debates is part of the fun of all this.  No one’s opinion is wrong, but it’s not okay to come on here and behave in a rude and condescending manner.  We are not here to get into personal arguments about lifestyle choices.  When someone feels personally attacked, it’s time to stop.  Express your opinion, and leave it at that.

This poster has continued to comment on our site in spite of being asked to stop.  He has spammed our site, linked to us on places like reddit.com under the title “Feminists Bashing Men”, and even linked us to nude photos on the internet.  Such behavior is not welcome here.  He has referred to us explicitly as “controlling” and “abusive” when in fact we just feel harassed by none other than this poster himself.  We believe that the dignity of our blog is being sacrificed through his repetitive harassing comments, and therefore we are “controlling” the comments from him (which angered him more than a bit I might add – I guess he is used to having his way all the time).

Having said that, he has voiced his opinion (and of course feel free to read more of this on his blog) and we appreciate that.  However, this circle of comments about a personal relationship that he is not even involved in needs to stop right now, along with the sweeping generalizations he is making about the male side of humanity.  Monogamy or lack thereof is not a gender-specific issue.

Other comments are certainly welcome.   Even controversial ones.  We just ask that you keep it within the realm of reason.  You know we love hearing your opinions!

-Harlequin

P.S.   Does anyone else agree that while censorship sucks, moderation exists for a reason?  We are all up for hearing different opinions (yes, even disagreement!) but we think that posters like manupmen should take the excessive continuation of their arguments to their own sites….instead of constantly posting on our dime!

5 comments
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