Mondays are a Bitch and So is She: Cindy McCain
by Harlequin
With the election just a day away, people are getting anxious. I have a lot of confidence in Obama, but what will happen if McCain becomes the next President of the United States?
Well, for one thing, Laura Bush will be replaced by Cindy McCain. I didn’t think the Stepford Wife thing could go any further.
Don’t get me wrong, Mrs. McCain has a fair amount of accomplishments hidden under her brightly colored pantsuits. She is a philanthropist, most notably through her founding of the American Voluntary Medical Team, which sends people out to areas hurt by disasters or war. After receiving a master’s degree in special education, she even turned down a role in her father’s company in order to work with mentally challenged kids. Even though that lasted for only one year, she was an important part of developing a new approach to movement therapy for severely disabled children. She also has four children of her own, one of whom was adopted from Bangladesh, in addition to the three kids from John’s first marriage. Still, my mother raised four children on her own while running a home daycare; and this was without a cushion of cash or prescription drugs to fall back on. Cindy’s addiction to Percocet and Vicodin is certainly not something to be taken lightly, but addiction can get the best of any of us. Her actions, however, led to the demise of the American Voluntary Medical Team after it was discovered that she was illegally obtaining prescriptions by using the names of its employees without their knowledge. While I respect her for overcoming her addiction, I feel that even her “nonprofit” organizations are very profitable to her in ways that most people wouldn’t even expect. If all I had to do was pay restitution with my father’s money to get off of drug charges, I would fraudulently obtain some sedatives myself.
Cindy McCain is one woman I know I wouldn’t be able to stand if I came face to face with her. Born Cindy Lou Hensley, she’s a rich girl who has benefited profusely off of family money (beer from Anheuser-Busch is completely ruined for me) — not to mention the fact that she uses this money to fund her husband’s political campaigns. She has funds from a $300 million dollar company, and she is bitching about Obama’s campaign money? And if you thought John McCain’s seven houses were bad, his wife owns ten, in addition to parts of 3 office complexes. I thought women married older men for money — so why did 25 year-old Cindy go for McCain at 42? I mean he is 72 now…an old 72. Not to mention he already had children and, oh yeah, a wife. During his courtship with Cindy, John pushed for a divorce from his wife Carol McCain. He remarried a month after their divorce was finalized. While her husband went on with his political life, Cindy followed him to Washington — where she was ostracized because of Carol McCain’s popularity and spent her time writing over 4000 Christmas cards in 1983.
Writing Christmas cards is a pain in the ass, and I am sure I will end up doing it when I am a “wife.” But I can hardly stomach the fact that this is a fact listed in Cindy McCain’s life story. I firmly believe that a First Lady should be a woman who uses her intelligence for more than domestic niceties. The contrast could not be any more apparent — Hillary Clinton and Michelle Obama both act like ladies, but they are also able to articulately voice their opinions. Cindy McCain can voice her opinions too, but she sounds less like an intelligent woman and more like that bitchy girl from high school. Still, the 
Republican Party praises her for “her elegance at coffee shops and other small campaign settings, where she frequently refers to her children, carpooling, and charity work.” I agree that raising children is more than a career, but I don’t think women fully convey their intelligence by talking about chauffering their children around. Talk about your children, talk about teaching kids with special needs, but please, don’t relive every detail of getting your kids and their friends to pee-wee football practice. Cindy herself emphasizes the idea that she would be a “traditional” First Lady — which seems to mean she will not stick her nose into her husband’s business…you know, his business of governing the country.
I can’t imagine that John was a young and lively man when he met Cindy. As hard as it is to believe, this ice queen was the epitome of the vivacious girl-next-door in her younger years, and she definitely started early. At the age of 14, she was named the Junior Rodeo Queen of Arizona, followed up by the even better accomplishment of being voted “Best Dressed” at her affluent Phoenix high school — well, at least now we know how she came to be so diluted in her fashion sense. At college in California she was a cheerleader as well as a sorority sister (is anyone else seeing the stereotype come to life?). She was not as dumb as one might think, however, and she was heavily involved with Charles Keating’s financial affairs. Cindy and her father invested nearly $400,000 in a project with Keating, and she also acted as a bookkeeper — although not a very good one, seeing as how she simply “couldn’t find” several receipts when shit hit the fan in the Keating scandal.
So all in all, I am obviously not impressed with Mrs. McCain, volume 2. She may have accomplishments, but like Sarah Palin, I can only wonder where her ambition comes from and, more importantly, where this ambition is headed. Everyone makes mistakes, but her demeanor serves only to emphasize the idea that she doesn’t seem to learn from them…just as with her anger towards the Obama campaign, her problems and misdeeds seem to be on everyone else’s shoulders.
***Explore the many faces of Cindy – this made me laugh, but be warned, it is offensive.
***Read this satirically heartwarming look at the McCain marriage.
***Who does Mrs. McCain most closely resemble? This look-alike website has reached a consensus…
