How To Win An Argument
by Kelly
Okay, Dale Carnegie (of How to Win Friends and Influence People fame) might be turning in his grave right now. Being argumentative, combative, or just plain opinionated is not exactly the best way to endear yourself to others. However, Harlequin and I are firm believers in expressing yourself. We don’t care if your crush is in the room, your mother, your high school Geometry teacher. We believe that no matter the circumstances, it’s important to stand up for what you value & believe.
That being said, there is a definite art to arguing. Here are several tips to not only articulate your thoughts efficiently, but even win arguments (and yeah, influence some people in the process).
- Be eloquent & articulate: This may seem obvious, but the best way to win an argument is if you state your thoughts clearly and succinctly. For some this comes easily, but others may need to practice. I recommend debating a topic with a friend or family member you feel comfortable with. That way you can practice your verbal skills without too much pressure. Other ideas to improve this skill include reading avidly (there is no better way to increase your vocabulary) and watching political debates on TV.
- Be passionate: There is no point arguing just for argument’s sake. If you decide to engage in verbal sparring with someone, it is best if you care vehemently about the issue at hand. Being passionate about your subject will not only give you an edge in the argument, but will gain you the respect of those listening. However, no matter how passionate you are, you’ll get nowhere in an argument unless you . . .
- Know the facts: You don’t have to know every state capital to win a debate or argument, but it helps to know some specifics. For example, if you are discussing abortion rights, it would be helpful to know the laws surrounding the issue. Likewise, if you maintain that 9/11 was a conspiracy by the United States government, then you better have some hard data to back that idea. While it may seem like a daunting task to know everything about anything, it’s probably easier than you realize. My advice is to read about the things you care about. It’s as simple as that! If you are passionate about the Presidential Campaign, read blogs and newspaper articles that cover the campaign trail. If you feel strongly about the death penalty, find out what states still allow it, and what methods are used in those states. That way, when you find yourself in an argument, you will have the tools necessary to make your point in a thoughtful manner.
- Stay calm: Though being passionate is crucial to any debate, you must remember to stay calm. If you become too emotional, you expose your weak points & become vulnerable to personal attacks. If your argument is becoming too heated, take time to count to 10, or excuse yourself politely. You most likely don’t want to start a physical fight, unless you’re in a Fight Club situation.
- Be sober: Harlequin and I are often guilty of “The Drunk Debate.” It happens to the best of us, but not always with the greatest results. When you argue while drunk, miscommunication and misunderstanding often gets in the way of a meaningful discussion. That’s why I recommend not getting into a debate unless you’re sober (or close to it). When you are under the influence, you are definitely not as rational & eloquent as you could be. (However, as I’m sure you’re aware, this tip is easier said than done).
- Be prepared for the consequences: No matter who wins the argument, you must be prepared for the fallout. As hard as you try to be articulate, calm, and sober, your opponent might not be so thoughtful. I have seen friendships unravel because personal attacks made their way into a debate or because irreconcilable differences came to the surface. Either way, know the potential consequences of your actions before you enter into a dispute.
- Admit when you’re wrong: As any good debater will tell you, it’s important to concede points in an argument. This method is beneficial because you will a) surprise your opponent b) show that you are reasonable c) focus on the war, not the battle. You can’t be right on every point, but you may still be able to win the overall argument.
What not to do:
- Get emotional
- Cry/whine to get your way
- Make it personal
- Make knee-jerk statements
Hopefully, if you follow these guidelines, you can win a few arguments. We wish you luck, and hey – if you lose all your friends and everyone you know shuns you as a result of this post – it’s okay, we still love ya.
For further reading, check out Gerry Spence’s book: How to Argue and Win Every Time.
Do you have any tips or advice? Share them with us!
