Stupid Song of the Month: A Kiss With a Fist
by Kelly
A kiss with a fist is better than none.
Really?
….Really?
So, if you listen to the radio, or frequent Youtube or have hipster friends, you’ve heard of this “kewl” new indie-pop band Florence & the Machines. The lead singer, Florence, is the hipster alternative to Amanda Palmer of the Dresden Dolls — full of attitude, frothy floral skirts and tongue-in-cheek lyrics.
Tongue-in-cheek fails to explain, however, their most popular single, “A Kiss With a Fist”. It’s a bright, punchy little number (no pun intended) and like any good pop song, sticks in your head for days on end.
Only problem is, the song promotes domestic violence.
Now, before you roll your eyes and ask me why I constantly get my panties in a bunch over “silly pop songs”, check these lyrics:
“you hit me once
i hit you back
you gave a kick
i gave a slap
you smashed a plate
over my head
then i set fire to our bedMy black eye casts no shadow
your red eye sees no pain
your slaps don’t stick
your kicks don’t hit
so we remain the same
blood sticks and
sweat drips
break the lock if it don’t fit
a kick in the teeth is good for some
a kiss with a fist is better than none
a-woah a kiss with a fist is better than none”
Lovely. Not only does this romanticize violence between partners, it endorses the idea that a little (or a lot) of violence is a-okay as long as you love each other!
Fuck that twisted logic. This highlights the real, insidious issue with domestic violence — so often it persists because one or both of the individuals involved loves the other. Look, I’m no stranger to the idea that those who are closest to you can hurt you the most. But certainly being alone is better than a kiss with a fist.
The problem here is simple:
1) Florence & the Machines is a hipster-chic band rocketing to their first 15 minutes of fame
2) As such, they reach and influence a large, young, potentially impressionable audience
3) The song makes domestic violence seem cool/hip/”not a big deal”/better than nothing
4) And if you haven’t noticed, pop songs and YA fiction (cough, Twilight) and Reality TV stars actually resonate with youth today and influence the way my generation thinks about love, life and happiness
5) That fucking sucks!
From Florence herself: “Kiss with a Fist” is NOT a song about domestic violence. It is about two people pushing each other to psychological extremes because they are fighting but they still love each other. The song is not about one person being attacked, or any actual physical violence, there are no victims in this song. Sometimes the love two people have for each other is a destructive force. But they can’t have it any other way, because it’s what holds them together, they enjoy the drama and pushing each other’s buttons. The only way to express these extreme emotions is with extreme imagery, all of which is fantasism and nothing in the song is based on reality. Leona Lewis’s “Bleeding Love” isn’t actually about her bleeding and this song isn’t actually about punching someone in the mouth.
@ Stella — Thanks for commenting.
I would definitely agree that the extreme imagery is just that — but the song is so easily misinterpreted. I would certainly hope that Florence isn’t literally writing about her own experience with domestic violence, but even if you take the violent imagery out of the picture, isn’t that still an emotionally abusive relationship?
I think physically (and emotionally) abusive relationships can be mutual and this song seems to be about that. However, instead of saying “wow abusive relationships suck!” the song is saying it’s better to be in love and fight all the time than be alone. Which is a negative message, overall.
I agree with Stella. I personally love the song. However, I do see where you are getting domestic violence. Yet, the female protagonist in the song does more violence towards her lover, so if anything it is more about a woman being able to fight back than a woman getting subjugated. Florence is no Britney Spears asking her lover to ‘hit me baby one more time’. She has not given in to what the music industry has asked of her just yet. Her music videos have all been about an primal feel for music, and not once has she traipsed around in a bikini or some other sexualized outfit. Who knows where she will go in coming years, but I’m going to give her the benefit of the doubt before labeling her as hipster-chic or a bad alternative to Amanda Palmer (who I also love). Shes not a hipster, and neither am I.
@Ariel See, ladies, this is exactly what the point of this original post was about – “okaying” this type of imagery. “Well, she commits more acts of violence against him, than her.” I’m sorry, that doesn’t make it “okay” – and if its about her fighting back, then she needs to walk out the door at the end. But instead they’re locked in an obsessive, abusive (physically or emotionally) relationship, and the listener is left with the message that its better than being alone.
Nobody wants to be alone. But having viewed both physically and emotionally abusive relationships – IT IS BETTER TO BE ALONE!! And the fact that BOTH of them are doing it doesn’t make it not abuse!! It can still end terribly and tragically, with one or both dead. I find people who have not been in abusive relationships or had it right in their faces, confuse what is abuse and what is not domestic violence or abuse.
Its hard enough to break the walls of abuse in the U.S., and often young women (and men) confuse controlling-violence (physical or emotional!) as a form of love – and this song EXACTLY does that. I’m sorry, if she wanted to get out a song depicting ” two people pushing each other to psychological extremes because they are fighting but they still love each other” – she could have wrote a BETTER SONG that doesn’t make physically fighting with your boyfriend seem so darn cool!
Its a shame, because some of their other stuff is fairly decent.
And…on a final note….she’s a hipster. Completely and utterly. Music, clothes, hair, voice, videos…hiiiiipppppssstttteeerrr. Its okay to like her, it doesn’t make you a hipster too, at least not automatically. Unless you’re one of those self-hating closet hipsters. And then…well. There’s really no helping you. :)
hi there,
you are very perceptive. i myself have also felt that way about the mainstream media of today and have completely stopped watching TV (except for food channel hehe). it is so sad to watch mtv or the likes, i can’t imagine being a teenager today with all the twilights, reality drama shits, Bieber fever, and all the endless bullshit fuckeries from the music and entertainment industry.
it’s good to know that there are still some people on the internet that are well aware, critical, and speaks out like you. in the endless sea of random informations and memes, quality is a bit hard to find nowadays.
so cheers!!
I personally LOVE Florence and the machine. Love it.
But I hate that song. I hate what she’s saying. I hate the concept. I do not think that because she isn’t being literal, that makes it okay. It’s in poor taste. It’s a catchy song, but the lyrical content is questionable.
If both partners are violent that doesn’t make it ‘passionate love.’
On the hipster note: I’m pretty sure that a hipster is someone who looks at something and says “Is it cool? Then I like it.” Instead of “I like this. This is cool.”
You shouldn’t hate on people who express themselves differently then you, whether it be in their musical tastes or clothing styles or interests. That just makes you petty.
Its only okay to be critical if the person isn’t being genuine and just trying to be cool.
Fuck you. Seriously, did you read over this shit before you decided to post it?
k & maggie — thanks for commenting
Annyms — are you for real?
The people who say this song doesn’t promote violent relationships are usually reciting a defense of the song — saying that the violence lies only in heated words. Having been down that road myself, I learned that heated verbal fights led to heated physical fights.
Just as people have denied that this song has anything to do with domestic violence, I told myself that my violent relationship wasn’t that — it was passionate. We had highs that justified our toxic lows! I actually had black eyes and split lips, but wouldn’t call it abuse. I thought it wasn’t abuse if I fought back sometimes. I thought it wasn’t abuse if we had good times afterwards. I thought it wasn’t abuse if we had hot sex. I thought it wasn’t abuse in hopes it would stop. I, too, told myself that love didn’t come without some destructive force — and besides, if he couldn’t put up with my “passionate” nature, who would?
Still, I knew how it would have looked, because I didn’t tell anyone. I was abused off and on for five years. When I broke up with my partner, he pressured me into sex because he passionately loved me. He beat me up because he passionately loved me. He called me at work and screamed at me because he passionately loved me. He showed up where he knew I’d be because… you get the picture. It was a scary, sickening time in my life and he finally backed off, but I know sometimes they don’t do this, and some people end up severely hurt or worse as a result of “passionate love” like that.
I am now married to a partner with whom I have a very deep, meaningful love, with good sex and affection and fun times together. We have our disputes and disagreements, but we talk them out, or if we feel too angry, take a breather and some time to think. Neither of us has ever raised a hand to the other. It turns out I’m only violent when someone beats me first. And, honestly, I don’t feel cheated of any “passion” or “fire” because we don’t scream or throw things or slap or kick each other.
Love should be compassionate, too.
Thanks for saying that this song is problematic. It is. I even like Florence and the Machine but always have to skip that song, no matter if it’s symbolic or not. It reminds me of a very real thing I went through, neither hip nor fun.
Am I the only one who sees the sarcasm in this song?