Stupid Song of the Month: One Less Lonely Girl
by Kelly
There are few things that give me comfort these days. I mean, really, look what we’ve had to deal with recently: devastating earthquakes, upsetting elections results in Massachusetts (damn you Scott Brown!). Hell, they are even making snuggies for dogs these days. So, honestly, when something good happens to me, however insignificant, it really puts me in a good mood.
Take today for example. I sat down to write this post, and I realized, “Hey! I need to do research for this one” (contrary to popular belief, I am not all-knowing). So I typed into Google: “Joey Bourben lyrics.” Google replied, “Who the hell is that?” Not to be discouraged, I persisted further: “Joey Bourben lyrics lonely girl.” Still no results. So I’m thinking to myself, “I’ll be damned if I can’t find the lyrics to this song so I can eviscerate it line by line on my blog.” And then I realize – hey this dude’s name is Justin Bieber, not Joey Bourben. Which is fucking awesome.
Why is it awesome, you might ask? Hmmm, oh, I don’t know, maybe because it proves that I am not in fact a 13-year-old girl, and I have some shreds of dignity left. Perhaps because it is comforting to know that as much pop culture seeps into my subconscious unwittingly, I am still immune to proper spelling of teen idols’ names. In fact, I can claim with all honesty that I do not know the three Jonas brothers’ names. Seriously. I think there’s a Kevin. And a Joe… Errr…Okay, 2 out of 3. I can live with that.
Anyway, the reason I even know (vaguely) about Joey/Justin Bourben/Bieber is because I have a younger sibling. And said sibling blasts Kiss 108 FM on the radio EVERY time she takes a shower, which, to my estimation is far too often. Hygiene habits aside, my sister has an eclectic taste in music that ranges from lame to god-awful. I would say this Justin fellow falls into the latter category.
So, this past weekend I was sitting on the couch reading, minding my own business when I hear a girl on the radio singing, “There’ll be one less lonely girl…” and it makes me pause for a moment. Is this an actual lesbian singing about her girlfriend? Or is this one of those prefab lesbian ballads a la T.a.T.u. or Katy Perry?
My sister informs me, however, that this is a boy singing. To which I respond, “I guess his balls haven’t dropped yet.” (What can I say? My sister enjoys my vulgar sense of humor). Significantly less interested in the song, I return to reading. Until a sense of indignation comes over me. What the hell is this prepubescent boy warbling on about? First of all, who says every fucking teenage girl is a crying wreck, waiting for her knight in shining armor to ride up on a white horse and save her from a life of loneliness and 21st century ennui? Well, OK, Stephanie Meyer says that. But among normal, intelligent folks, surely this stereotype is not to be believed.
WRONG! At least, according to the music industry. Here is a sample of the lyrics (I actually succeeded in finding them eventually):
“Saw so many pretty faces before I saw you you
Now all I see is you
I’m coming for you (I’m coming for you)
Noo No
Don’t need these other pretty faces like I need you
And when you’re mine in the world
There’s gonna be one less lonely girl”
Honestly, that’s pretty much all there is to the song. And, yeah, there’s nothing overtly wrong with these lyrics aside from the fact that they are simplistic and devoid of intellectual thought. However, I think we can all agree this is a Stupid Song ™.
I mean, the chorus is so blatantly awful – first of all, who is this egotistical twerp? He believes that he will single-handedly change this chick’s entire life by devoting himself to her. Sorry to break it to ya, Justin, but it takes more than a penis to make most girls satisfied. We need things like hobbies and careers and friends. Maybe even a passion for volunteering or something. Give females a little more credit, dude.
I also find the line “I’m coming for you” a little creepy. Kind of reminds me of Twilight (You can’t resist me, Bella, I am coming for you and I will watch over you while you sleep. P.S. Let’s make vampire babies together). “And when you’re mine in the world”?? Really? Sounds like all Justin has to offer women is an emotionally abusive relationship. I’ll pass!
His other songs aren’t really that much better. Check it out:
“Your world is my world
And my fight is your fight
My breath is your breath
And your heart (and now I’ve got my)
One love
My one heart
My one life for sure”
Jesus Christ, when did co-dependency come back in style?
—-
So, dear reader, got any songs you think are fucking dumb? Let me know in the comments section.
LESBIAN DOUBLE STANDARD: This week we had in-laws over for dinner. Inspired by Chuck we made our own pizzas, including a goat cheese, roasted butternut squash, arugula, olive oil pie…yum! yum! Anyway, over dinner conversation my wife was telling Grandma & Grandpa about how we got a free subscription to Showtime, and that we’re recording ‘The L Word‘, a drama about lesbians. My wife observed: “How come we hear about women who are sick of men and start dating other women? But we never hear a man say, ‘I’m sick of women! I think I’ll start dating men!’”
I absolutely agree about the Justin Bieber song. Both of his singles kind of disturbed me when I first heard them on the radio, not because he sounds like… well, not a “he” (and he truly does; I was absolutely convinced that the singer of his first single was a 16-year old pop sensation a la Miley Cyrus, but instead, I got a 14-year old pop sensation a la Lil Romeo) but because he’s talking about “loving” someone and “needing” someone when he’s 14 and it’s music that’s clearly for 14 year olds. Don’t these lyrics and the fact that he’s singing them promote the fallacy that middle-school “couples” are “in love” with each other? That wouldn’t be such a big deal if it didn’t lead to much more dire issues like early, misguided marriage and teenage pregnancies.
i DISAGREEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-p
OMG!!! I hope i get to win this Valentine date with Justin!!!! there is a contest with Q102 @
http://www.q102.com/cc-common/seasonal/valentine/
u get flowers from and 1800-flowers tooo!!!! that would be sooo cool i love u JUSTIN <3!!!!
@Polarimetric — Well put!!
I hate being “a hater”, but I seriously can not stand Taylor Swift, (or really any “artist” in mainstream music). I wanted to find a really stupid line in this song about young girls dependent on boys, but I literally couldn’t get 20 seconds in without wanting to throw up! Pretty much the whole song depicts this idea anyways… Where is the empowerment?
On a serious note though, songs like “One less lonely girl”, and this one by Taylor Swift really put into perspective what mass media (aka old white male elites) want us to see and what we should be seen as. Its depressing there are absolutly no songs for young people that express consciousness of the world, individuality, or god forbid a dissenting view of the heteronormative! Unfortunately I doubt our mainstream societal ideals will change any time soon, but at least we have Rotten Little Girls to express ourselves and promote positivity and openmindedness! :)
I have been bothered by this Justin Bieber song for a while. It is unfortunate that teenage girls will have to listen to this kid sing about “show you what you are worth” and if they go out with him they will be “one less lonely girl”. Who says girls are lonely without guys. Young girls need to learn about self confidence and that they dont need to rely on a guy to show them what they are worth. I realize someone wrote the song for him but they should have thought about what message they are sending to impressionable young girls. Thank goodness I am a mother of boys!
@ Liz — I’m with ya all the way — it’d be great to see the “pop world” put forth a message that isn’t heteronormative or hypersexualized.
Thanks for commenting!
@ Leanne — I can’t agree more. Self-worrth and acceptance should be what we teach our children, not dependency on a boy or man to make us whole.
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