Rotten Little Girls

It’s been a little over a year since I posted one of the most popular RLG posts of all time: The Top 10 Strangest Sex Toys. Well, my friends, it is time for Round 2!

1. Jesse’s Sweet Talking Pussy: It’s a portable vagina…that talks! Because what every man really wants is a small, creepy looking plastic pussy that speaks to him while he beats off into it.

And hey, it can be yours for only $50, batteries included. What a deal!

2. Glow-In-The-Dark Penis Pump: Uh, beyond the fact that penis extenders are just whacky…who needs a glow in the dark one? Too ashamed of your penis size to look at it in the light? Or did you spend all your money on sex toys and forget to pay your utilities bill?

3. Bell Nipple Clamps: If you fuck in the right rhythm, it sounds like Jingle Bells! Surely a favorite of kinky music-lovers everywhere.

4. Ass Berries: This is a pretty typical anal dildo…but the name is a huge turn-off. I love fruit but I’m not putting this thing anywhere near my mouth.

5. The Lick: Ever wished you had a vibrator in the shape of a tongue? A fire-engine red tongue that looks kind of like it belongs to the Geico gecko? Now it can be yours for only 35 bucks.

6. Kimberly Williams 36DD Breasts: For those who need more than a fake, talking vagina – here are rubber breasts! Try explaining this toy when your new girlfriend finds them in your nightstand.

7. Basic Essentials Pearl Stroker Beads: Forget diamonds, pearls are a girl’s best friend. Wouldn’t you love to get plowed by a bejeweled penis? It’s every young woman’s fantasy, all right!

8. Goo Goblin Granny Love Doll: I have no words. Really. The name, the product, even the packaging are bizarre! Look, it’s cool if you have a fetish for older gals. Couldn’t you just satisfy that by taking a trip to your local Senior Center? I’m sure you’ll find plenty of ladies interested in a quickie.

If you insist on buying this love doll, she comes with her own false teeth, to make the experience that much more realistic.

Related products: Meme the Midget Love Doll. Inanimate love comes in all sizes.

9. Laura Doone Hairy Vibrating Pussy: This fake vagina is really convincing – so convincing there is even pubic hair! You gotta see this sex toy to believe it. Personally I think it looks absolutely frightening.

10. Petals Vibrator: Girls like pink and they like flowers, right?. So now there’s a vibrator to appeal to…5 year olds? This looks like something Lisa Frank would make…

So there you have it folks, the top 10 weirdest & funniest sex toys. There are plenty more, and I encourage you to search for them yourselves. If you buy any, I promise I won’t tell.