Feminists Don’t Wear Nail Polish! (or, Can You Outgrow Feminism?)
by Kelly
Yesterday, I was drinking with Harlequin at one of our usual haunts when the following conversation occurred:
Man: Hey bartender! I’d like a Ginger Brandy! Even though it’s a girl drink!
Woman: But you like Ginger Brandy, honey.
Man: Only girls like Ginger Brandy.
Me: It’s women.
Man: What?
Me: It’s women, not girls.
Woman: She’s right.
Me: Sorry to interrupt, I’m pretty vocal about feminism.
Woman: Oh I remember those days…
Me: Being young, feminist and angry?
Woman: Yes, but by 32 you’ll outgrow it.
Man: (to me) You’re not a feminist! You’re wearing nail polish! Feminists don’t wear nail polish.
Me: …..
Man: Bartender! Get these young WOMEN a Ginger Brandy!
I could have told this guy that feminism is about choice, and if I choose to wear nail polish, that’s my uh…right as a woman. Yeah! I’m pro-nail polish! Wooooo…
But in all seriousness, he bought us a shot and I didn’t want to turn their date into a fighting match, so I took the cue to politely withdraw from the conversation. However, his ignorant comment about nail polish, though amusing and a little irritating, was not what stuck out to me about that conversation.
Can you really outgrow something like feminism? I understand that generally younger people are the most “pissed off” group and that this anger at the world sometimes fuels our passion for various causes. However, just because you aren’t “angry at the world” anymore doesn’t mean you should give up the cause of feminism. I found this woman’s comment to be pretty depressing.
I am open-minded and my viewpoints about certain political issues do vary over time. I try to be open to both sides of arguments and constantly question my own underlying assumptions. That being said, I don’t understand outgrowing feminism. That’s like when my atheist uncle became a Born-Again fundamentalist Christian, he became a totally different person (complete with homophobic and narrowed-minded sentiments). If I were to outgrow feminism, I wouldn’t recognize myself anymore.
Maybe I’m just stubborn, but I’d like to think I just have a solid core set of values, beliefs and morals. These values are ones instilled by my parents, shaped by my location, economic background, and schooling. I am aware of the numerous factors that have helped shape my belief system, and yet, I feel like they are wholly my own thoughts and beliefs. I am pro-choice, liberal, anti-war, pro-LGBT, feminist, anti-racist and environmentally conscious. These are things that will never change about me. I’m only twenty and while I haven’t sorted everything out in my life by any stretch of the imagination, this is something I do know about myself.
What do you think? Have you outgrown feminism? If you are a feminist, could you see yourself “outgrowing” it?
Cheers,
Dollface
I don’t think the younger feminists are the more vocal ones…or maybe I don’t hang out on the right blogs :)
And I’m pretty sure you don’t “outgrow” feminism(or any belief in equality for all). I’m also twenty, and I’d rather not lose the belief that women are human beings too. And I’m certain i won’t.
You don’t outgrow being angry at injustice, you just choose to ignore it-or not.
i actually “outgrew” my born-again christian-ness, so i suppose it is possible. not surprisingly, it was replaced with my feminism and pro-lgbtq-ness, lol!
i think that something needs to take the place of these values if they do disappear (something like apathy? selfishness? tiredness? exasperation with life?). eh? people lead complicated lives; i wouldn’t count it out of the question.
I think it depends how you define feminism. If you think of it as the belief that women are human beings and should be treated as such, then of course it’s not something you will (or should) outgrow. Keep in mind that “outgrowing” something means moving upward, becoming more mature. While young people are known for being passionate, apathy does not denote maturity.
If you find yourself one day not caring about sexism, respect, abused women, etc, you have not “grown up” but only become tired, jaded, passionless. I mean, who in their right mind isn’t upset on some level when they hear of girls’ faces being burned for going to school? (yes, I just read your why I am a feminist post).
But notice how, after insisting on being called a woman, you also felt the need to draw attention to the fact that you are a feminist. Your about me section says “from a feminist standpoint.” You make it a point to bring up feminist issues presumably more than other topics. You probably spend time absorbing feminist literature. These are the things that the woman was probably referring to–the things that are more subject to change. If they don’t, fine. It’s your prerogative.
But if one day you find yourself, still anchored to the belief that people should be treated equally and respectfully, but less concerned with the label and politics of feminism and instead perhaps broadly interested in any number of worthy political or personal causes, you should be okay with that too. I find that it is often a certain attitude that defines feminists rather than a set of beliefs. In any case I don’t think it’s something you should worry about.
Like you, I don’t particularly like when someone who doesn’t know me tells me that I will outgrow something. Sometimes they’re wrong. And if they’re right, it will still happen as my choice, naturally, in my own way.
@ Alecto — Want to share what blogs you read? I’d love to expand my repertoire. I agree, there are plenty of older, vocal feminists.
@ s.x — You raise a good point — once your beliefs shift, they must be replaced with something even if it is just apathy.
@ Justin — Thanks for your comment. I think you’re right — the woman was probably referring to my overtly feminist beliefs rather than my feeling that women are equal to men and should be treated as such. At the same time, I intend to never outgrow that type of feminism. I believe it’s important for our cause (and other related causes) that those who are feminists are open and upfront about it. Too many women in my generation especially are growing complacent with the rights we have already gained and look at feminism as an out-dated set of beliefs. They couldn’t be further from the truth, which is why I blog.