Do You “Do Gender”?

by Kelly

We are socialized from birth to act a certain way, dress a certain way, and even to love certain people over others. When people act outside the bounds of “appropriate” behavior they are labeled as abnormal and pressured to conform to the rest of society. From the clothing we put on in the morning to the toothpaste we use at night, we are making choices that have been heavily influenced by our parents, the media and society writ large. So how do you become your own person? Is it even possible?

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I am primarily interested in discussing gender roles. We are assigned a gender when we are born based on our sex/genitalia. That, in a nutshell, decides our future. Born a boy? Welcome to the world of toy trucks, blue clothing, rough-housing, never crying (at least after a certain age), and hypermasculinity. Born a girl? You must be pretty, be docile and obedient, play nicely with your baby dolls and dream about your future wedding -– to a man, of course. These gender “stereotypes” are no surprise to most of us –- in recent decades, most Americans have become pretty well-versed in the basics of gender roles. However, most of us still subscribe to these roles, whether subconsciously or not.

I want to examine the problems that gender roles create in our society. It is helpful to realize that gender is a category we, as human beings, created. Yet, we act as if it’s natural, even biological. Gender is not natural, but rather a social construction. This means that many people feel compelled to act in certain ways, even if it is not in their nature – they do so to fit in and to avoid being ostracized. Even when people rebel, it is to directly oppose the gender roles they are assigned – for example, tomboys are girls who (generally) scorn dresses and being “boy crazy,” dress like their male counterparts, and participate in masculine activities like sports. However, this subculture has been largely accepted by society as a “phase” many young girls go through. Most tomboys seem to grow out of this phase and revert to feminine roles later in life. Those who don’t are viewed as abnormal; it is somewhat okay for teenagers to be “experimental” with gender roles, but after a certain age, restrictions on behavior and dress resume. College graduates often hear that they are “entering the real world,” and therefore, must follow a new set of societal expectations.

For women in particular, gender roles are rather problematic. As the “fair sex” we are expected to put effort into our appearance and avoid seeming too argumentative, opinionated, or outspoken. For centuries we have literally been silenced by patriarchy. However, even with free speech and equal rights, gender roles work to silence women and young girls. By discouraging women from speaking out & having strong opinions, many girls’ voices are marginalized in school, at home, and even in the workplace. As a rather opinionated young woman myself (ever wonder how I got the title Rotten Little Girl?) I’ve faced a lot of discrimination from both male and female peers. Many seem to find me intimidating or too passionate about my beliefs. I’ve made peace with the labels “bitch” and “crazy girl” but it’s still hard at the end of the day to live with the limitations placed on me because of my gender. Maybe if I shut up and behaved, I’d have more friends or be more popular. However, I feel like I’d be compromising my integrity and my self-worth if I changed just to be more accepted by society.

So my challenge to you is this: think hard about what gender roles you subscribe to and whether or not you do so because you want to or because it makes your life easier. Discuss in the comments section your thoughts on gender roles –- what have your parents done to reinforce them or break them down for you as a child? What have you done? Can we be true “individuals,” or are we completely influenced by the media & society? Feel free to bring up intersections of race, religion, etc…whatever affects you personally.

To start it off, here are some ways in which I reinforce gender roles in my life:

- I am a “reformed” tomboy
- I put effort into my appearance every day (make up, clothing)
- I am a consumer
- I enjoy romantic movies and obsess over relationships
- I have very “traditional” views on how relationships are structured (who buys dinner, who should call first, etc)
- I want to get married

Here is how (I hope!) to break some of these gender roles down:

- I am open sexually
- I am opinionated
- I try to avoid advertisements, billboards, commercials as often as possible
- I limit my porn usage (I could explain, but that would be a post unto itself. Expect a post in the future, though!)
- I read avidly
- I am attempting to buy less unnecessary crap (including clothes!)
- I am independent and plan to be financially independent upon graduating college

Please share your thoughts!

- Dollface

P.S. To clarify the title of this post: “Doing gender” is to act within the “appropriate” gender role assigned to you at birth.