My Perfect Day: The Normalization of Bridezilla Culture
We’ve all heard of the terrifying creature that is known to stalk up and down Fifth Avenue in her Manolos – no, I’m not talking about Carrie Bradshaw, I am talking about the not-so-mythical Bridezilla. She is the ultimate perfectionist, seeking the finest her money can buy all for one special day – her wedding. There are television shows, books, and articles in the New York Times devoted to dissecting her behavior for a voyeuristic public. Even in doing research for this post, I felt like an anthropologist studying rare creatures: “Note the Bridezilla in her natural habitat. She is the alpha female in her pack, commanding an entire room of people to watch her throw a bouquet of flowers into a crowd of her friends. This is a sacred human ritual, the meaning of which is still a mystery to most scholars” . . . Okay, you get the idea.
As fun as it is to poke fun at Bridezillas (considering the term itself is rather disparaging), the dirty little secret is that most of us, on our wedding day, buy into Bridezilla culture to some extent. It’s my day, we claim, and if I want a Rolling Stones cover band/Purple carnation centerpiece/Five-tier cake with spiders on it, then that’s my decision! Just take a look at this article entitled “Tips for the People Pleasing Bride (or Groom),” which states, “Just because you want to make the people you love happy does not mean you have to cover up what you think and feel. If you really don’t like orange as your main wedding color, but your mother-in-law to be keeps telling you it would make everything look even better, then just tell her the truth . . . Simply tell her something like, ‘I’ve given it a lot of though and I really just think the color pink . . . would reflect our personalities more.’” Because, ladies, it’s about what color flower fits your personality not your mother-in-law’s.
If I seem to be a little tongue-in-cheek, forgive me. As one of those hopeless romantic types, I do think marriage can be a wonderful way to celebrate the lifelong coupling with your significant other (which, by the way, should be allowed for people of all sexual orientations). However, I struggle with the concept that the better your wedding day, the better the marriage. In fact, that is the notion the wedding industry wants you to believe. As ludicrous as it seems, the wedding industry isn’t just selling the perfect day but the perfect marriage. Want to ride off into the sunset of marital bliss? Make sure you have the right dress, photographs to commemorate the event for years to come, and registered gifts from your guests that will outfit your marital home. The wedding industry wants to capitalize on a single day of your life by selling you a fairy-tale fantasy. They realize that in a society with such high divorce rates, this fantasy is priceless to the newly engaged.
The sheer size of the wedding industry can make the task of planning your wedding seem daunting. While you could always get a wedding planner, many couples want to be involved in every step of the wedding planning process. Sites such as The Knot offer a wealth of information for engaged couples – where to buy dresses, what destinations are great for honeymoons, and wedding favor suggestions. While it seems like a great one-stop site for planning your special day, it is also a portal into the consumerism behind the wedding industry. Not only does the site dispense advice but it tells you what to buy and where. Never heard of unity candles? Well neither have I, but you can purchase a personalized one for $54.95. Since no wedding is complete without unity candles, of course.
It seems to me that the consumer culture surrounding weddings not only endorses partaking in traditions but creating new ones. The wealth of options, as one bridal store exclaims, “can make your special day unique!” However, the commodification of romance means that as creative as you try to be, your wedding will likely end up being rather cookie-cutter. No matter how large your budget, weddings seem to follow certain formats (engagement party, ceremony, reception, honeymoon). Somewhat ironically, it is when their wedding doesn’t meet some intangible level of perfection that most Bridezillas devolve into tears, thus earning their infamous moniker. As cynical as I may seem about the entire wedding culture, there are hundreds of brides (and grooms!) every year who buy into the image of a perfect wedding – no matter the cost.
- Dollface
What are your thoughts on Bridezilla culture? Do you want to get married someday, and if so, do you fantasize about the “perfect wedding”? Was your wedding non-traditional? Please share!
For more on wedding culture, read my review of One Perfect Day: The Selling of the American Wedding.
Related Links:
Bridezillas on a Diet
Love, Honor, Cherish, and Buy (New York Times review of One Perfect Day)
Hey dollface, i commented earlier about your Atheist article (i think i was the last comment, the one about the knockoffs) and now i read this one and once again you hit the nail on the head. i can’t agree with you more. I’d like to tell you how i feel about this but not publicly. i’d prefer through email, can you email me and i’ll write back?
@ Sb — Thanks for the nice comment. My email is rottenlittlegirls @ gmail.com (or just click on the Contact Us button to the right)
i honestly do find weddings to be romantic and beautiful.
i also understand how this could EASILY get out of hand – thinking we deserve a certain “perfect day” to wed on.
i do think i’d have some type of ceremony – not a typical wedding, and i fantasize about it a lot.
i think it’s mostly important for friends and family to see your transition from solo life to couplehood. with that said, i would probably allow the plans to be made mostly by other people, as i see my opinion mattering very little. i will be happy if my soul mate is standing by my side, regardless of the shananigans surrounding us.
I do like to watch wedding shows of Bridezillas. :D so amusing, but horribly humiliating for women everywhere!!
My wedding was basically a party for my mother, lol…
Meh, when I was younger I used to dream about my dream wedding. I was a preteen anime fangirl who wanted Japanese lanterns and cherry blossoms on all the tables (just for effect–total cultural appropriation). As I’ve gotten older though I’ve really gotten disillusioned with the idea of romance. At this point in my life, I just don’t believe it exists. I think love exists, but that’s different to me. But I don’t plan on getting married or having a dream wedding or anything like that. And, so, I’m not much into bride culture, weddings, or anything like that.
Or anything like that. Redundant redundant. :)
@ mermaid — I agree, I like the idea of sharing the moment with friends & family. I admit to fantasizing about my wedding day, too (okay, and I watch Bridezillas on occasion…)
@ Annie Spandex — Oh no! Well at least it made her happy, right? :)
@ Dollyann — I like your anime wedding fantasy. :) It’s interesting what you say about romance. Personally I’m always hoping for romance, but love and companionship are the most important things.
My ideal wedding? Outdoor. 50 people or less. Very little catering. Lots of celebrating. I would ideally to spend all of the money that most folks spend on a wedding toward something long-lasting – like a downpayment on a house.
@ Lena — That sounds like a great wedding to me. I’m definitely practical-minded myself & would put my money towards savings rather than getting a big fancy dress and feeding 250 guests.
Our wedding cost less than $1000, 14 yrs ago. Just dh and I and our moms, overlooking the Pacific at sunset. I bought my dress off the rack, on sale. He wore his dress blues. He picked my flowers. It was more important to us to enjoy our honeymoon than a 15 minute ceremony, so we stayed at a 5-star resort for 4 days before we came home.
I still have the dress, but I’m positive DD won’t want to wear it and why should she? I just hope she doesn’t get caught up in the Bridezilla nonsense if and when she marries.