Top 10 Strangest Sex Toys

by Kelly

Warning: The following post is not exactly safe for work (though there is no nudity, just inanimate vibrating objects!)

Between too much homework and Harlequin away for the weekend, we haven’t been able to post much lately. So, for a break from politics and feminism, here is a silly post about the top 10 strangest sex toys! Other than the occasional vibrator or handcuffs, I’m not much of a sex toy consumer. However, it’s fun to look at a sex toy site every once in a while. Here are my picks:

1. The Penis “Condom” Extender: If you feel like your penis is too small, here is the condom for you. Just roll it on like a normal condom, but enjoy the added benefits of a longer, wider shaft! For those of you who want maximum penis enlargement, try out the Penis Sleeve (comes in natural skin tones!)

2. Studded Cock Ring: While I understand there are benefits to using a cock ring, this particular toy makes me giggle. It’s description? “Make a statement with Spartacus Stud. The Stud offers pressure for his pleasure and elastomer spikes for a hot look. Why go for typical cock rings when you can have the Stud?” Now, who wouldn’t want to have sex with a Spartacus Studded penis!? (or, try Jesse’s Raging Bull!)

3. Lil Bo Peep Blow Up Doll and Her Sheep: Okay, so it’s pretty gross to fuck a blow up doll to begin with. However, if you throw in a blow up sheep, then I’m sold! I thought men only sodomized real sheep when desperate (or depraved). Apparently, however, enough guys want to hump livestock so bad that they’d buy a plastic version. The description is so creepy I don’t know whether to laugh or burn my eyeballs: “Peep takes the cock hard and balls deep, and the sassy sheep like it in their rear love hole!” Sassy sheep, indeed. But hey, maybe this is a safe way for furries to get it on without getting slapped with bestiality charges!

4. Electrosex Penis Bands: How about sex with a side of electricity? I’m not a man but the idea of someone zapping their penis makes me flinch. Different strokes for different folks, I guess (pun intended).

5. Weighted Pelvic Exerciser – We’ve all heard of doing kegel exercises to improve vaginal muscles, but I didn’t know there were tools to help. Apparently just doing these exercises aren’t enough for some women, they need the extra push to strengthen and tone their muscles. Warning: This “tool” is for serious bodybuilders, not amateurs.

6. Belladonna’s Magical Hand – Take fisting to a whole new level with this fake…hand. Seriously, with it’s 8 inch circumference, once you use the hand, you’ll never go back…to anything else. I don’t know if you could even if you tried.

7. Candy Cane Dildo – For those who have a Santa Claus fetish, here is the holiday-themed dildo for you! It’s festive and fun, and prime for penetration. (Yeah, I just typed that out. Maybe this is my calling?)

8. Interracial Dual Dong – This just looks disturbing. I love variety, and I like that they are offering two skin tones, but on one dildo it looks like a Franken-penis rather than a viable sex toy.

9. Thorn Bird Lavender Vibrator – In other words, the thorny purple weapon of destruction. I can’t imagine how this would feel good, but I’m not brave enough to find out. Use at your own risk.

10. Portable Fake Lips – Last but not least, the travel-sized mouth. Tongue not included. If the thought of putting your appendage in this is savory and enticing, I’m speechless.

So there you have it folks, the top 10 weirdest & funniest sex toys. There are plenty more, and I encourage you to search for them yourselves. If you buy any, I promise I won’t tell.

Know of any particularly disturbing sex toys? Want to tell us about your experiences with blow up sheep? Comment away!

All images and products can be found at Discreet Online Shopping.