Mondays are a Bitch, and So is She: Sarah Palin
by Harlequin
She is the epitome of the perfect woman: a mix of independence and family values, of Susie Homemaker and sharp career woman. And we can’t forget beautiful! Miss Sarah Palin – this is the individual who may be the next VP. And looking at John McCain’s membership in the Really Old Men Living With the Effects of Skin Cancer and Torture club, she could even be our next President.
Shit.
It must be love.
She is so attractive and fashionable with her feminine tousled hair and her trendy professional glasses that she made it into Vogue. We all have heard the endless comparisons – she looks like Tina Fey, Megan Mullaly, Julia Louis-Dreyfuss, the spokesperson for Overstock.com, McCain’s third wife. But come on, look at her! She’s hot! She is the sexy librarian, the gorgeous girl-next-door that can hang with the boys, eating moose and shooting rifles and hunting before she goes and straightens out the finances of a state. Before her docile flute performances in beauty pageants, “Sarah Barracuda” played basketball in high school, where she headed the group “Fellowship of Christian Athletes” (what does a group like that even do?) and led prayers for her team before each game. She married her high school sweetheart, Todd Palin (who I want to do – he looks like a sexy scruffy blue collar guy who is good with his hands…too bad their 20 year anniversary was Friday), a working class family man who is also a champion snowmobiler. Ms. Palin worked as a sportscaster and fisher(wo)man, before she got involved in politics and had 5 children – named Track, Bristol, Willow, Piper, and Trig. Not to mention that the last kid has down syndrome, and she posed for Vogue during the pregnancy and popped him out while still in office!
I don’t hate her because she’s got it all. Well, I do…a little.
Ms. Palin looks like the face of Overstock.com!
Jesus Christ, lady, please stop putting us all to shame. Honestly, I think she sounds awesome. As a woman. In fact, I am sort of jealous. I wish I could be well-rounded enough to simultaneously stand up to big boy politicians like Don Young and Ted Stevens, but still retain my femininity enough to be glorified in the eyes of men. But, hey, I can at least give all my children trendy names that sound like they came from a Scandinavian fairy tale.
But her politics are another issue. Sure I think she is a bad-ass woman who apparently can do everything and look good at the same time, but her knack for controlling finances is not good enough for me. In spite of her ability to cut spending and waste, she is pro-life (a member of Feminists For Life), pro-gun (a member of the National Rifle Association), pro-religion (she advocated including creationism in school curriculum), and pretty damn protective of her oil (it is Alaska’s lifeblood). And then there are her vendettas: one against the police chief of Wasilla, a small Alaskan town of which Palin was mayor; she fired him because he supported her opponent; another against Mike Wooten, a state trooper she wanted fired, and who was coincidentally divorcing her sister; and yet another against Walter Monegan, the Public Safety Commissioner she dismissed because he didn’t give Wooten the boot. Sarah Palin’s approval ratings dropped after the Monegan controversy, and Alaska even investigated her for abuse of power when she is supposed to be poster girl for fighting corruption. She even screws the environment, opening up the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge to oil drilling and voting against listing polar bears as an endangered species because it threatened Alaska’s oil industry. Come on, how can we vote for a woman who doesn’t even like polar bears? What kind of soft-hearted femininity does that show?
All in all, I would say Sarah Palin was chosen because she was a woman who could maybe fill Hillary’s shoes. But also, because she is a non-threatening woman. I respect her as a woman, yet as a politician I am disappointed. Sure, she has her opinions and she has made it this far in the political game, but she sure as hell ain’t getting my vote. I only vote for the real bitches. If only Hillary and Michelle could quit bitching about each other and make a team…
We are obsessed with Sarah Palin lately – check out our other articles here, here, and even here!
Just had to comment on your screwing the environment statement. How does drilling on 2,000 acres out of 19,049,236 acres in ANWR screw the environment? And there were 5,000 polar bears in the 1950s. Today there are 20,000 to 25,000 polar bears. Exactly why do they need to be listed as endangered? VP Palin, I mean Governor Palin, has probably forgotten more about polar bears in her life than you’ll ever know in your whole life, so I’d consider her more qualified on the subject.
well thanks for your comment. i see what you mean about the numbers, but that is not all it is about. fractioning the world off isn’t a suitable answer in my opinion. it is a WILDLIFE REFUGE. drilling in ANY part of a REFUGE is kind of contradictory and harmful to the environment, don’t you agree? And this drilling is screwing the environment – to me it seems that you are trying to say that because it is such a small fraction that we are only screwing the environment “a little.”
as for your polar bear theory, i understand that there are 20,000 polar bears, but that is not exactly the problem. the problem is the decline of the state of their habitat. i am not saying Gov. Palin is not qualified on polar bears – i am saying that she IS qualified and therefore she should be making decisions that would not hurt them, rather than focusing on oil drilling. she sued the bush administration for listing polar bears as endangered, because that hurts alaska. so yes, she probably knows more about polar bears than i do, but she doesn’t seem to apply that knowledge in an appropriate way.
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Secretary of the Interior Dirk Kempthorne today announced that he is accepting the recommendation of U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service Director Dale Hall to list the polar bear as a threatened species under the Endangered Species Act (ESA). The listing is based on the best available science, which shows that loss of sea ice threatens and will likely continue to threaten polar bear habitat. This loss of habitat puts polar bears at risk of becoming endangered in the foreseeable future, the standard established by the ESA for designating a threatened species.
In making the announcement, Kempthorne said, “I am also announcing that this listing decision will be accompanied by administrative guidance and a rule that defines the scope of impact my decision will have, in order to protect the polar bear while limiting the unintended harm to the society and economy of the United States.”
Kempthorne further stated, “While the legal standards under the ESA compel me to list the polar bear as threatened, I want to make clear that this listing will not stop global climate change or prevent any sea ice from melting. Any real solution requires action by all major economies for it to be effective. That is why I am taking administrative and regulatory action to make certain the ESA isn’t abused to make global warming policies.”
(article from http://www.swamppolitics.com/news/politics/blog/2008/05/its_official_polar_bears_endan.html)
thank you for your comment.
Sarah is a disappointment to me. I am sorry I did not think she held her own in the debate and I feel Biden was laughing at her and I was too. Ugh! She is cute- so what- mother of 5- I know a Mom of 6… she does not have the experience and neither does Obama but I still do not know what McCain saw in her. NO one knew who she was before McCain’s announcement- that has to say something! I digress. I like Michelle and feel that she has leadership abilities, Mommy capabilities, and will do the best job as 1st lady. Go Obama!