“Find the perfect partner at Singles.com”
“EquestrianSingles.com: The world’s largest equestrian community where singles find dates and friends to ride horses with.”
“Whether you are over 50, an older woman, or a single senior citizen; Prime Singles.net is the place for you to find friendship, romance, or love”
In an increasingly wireless world, the matchmaking industry has grown exponentially. Gone are the days of the matchmaker in “The Fiddler on the Roof” – a family friend or woman from the local town who personally selects two people “destined” to be together. Now people seeking that special someone look no further than their laptop computer. Sites such as Craigslist, Match.com, and OKCupid make searching for a partner easy & even fun. I know plenty of girlfriends who have ads on OKCupid and rave about the “fun tests & quizzes” and who have even successfully met people off the site.
While I have no problem with meeting a man (or woman) online, the commodification of love raises a question in my mind. Do you need a significant other to be complete?
Sometimes it feels like the whole world is conspiring to punish single people. When I fractured my arm last year, my doctor told me to have a family member or friend unwrap the bandages holding my splint in place every day so I could start getting some mobility back. However, sitting in my dorm room alone, I was forced to learn how to unwrap & rewrap my splint by myself (among a myriad of other basic chores, like getting dressed and holding a book open). For the first time I realized what it meant to be truly living on my own. I didn’t have my mother nearby to help zip up my favorite dress. I didn’t have my brother (or anyone stronger than me, regardless of gender) to open that jar of pickles for me. I most certainly did not have a boyfriend who could scratch that hard to reach spot on my back. I was alone.
Is that really so bad, though? I adapted pretty easily to life with one working arm. I can usually open up my own jars, and there are back scratching widgets available at the local Brookstone. What I really wanted was the companionship of a significant other. Someone to share my life, thoughts, and hopes with. I value my friendships but sometimes a girl just wants someone to kiss and to hold.
I’m not the only one who feels this way. Practically every Sex and the City episode deals with the question, “Is it okay to be single? Am I happy alone?” The show itself comes up with a rather straight-forward answer: for 96 episodes, the women are chasing (and chased by) various men, and by the end of the sixth season, each is happily ensconced in a long term relationship. We’re left with the Hollywood ending: “And they lived happily ever after”. Note the word “they”. It’s never “she lived happily ever after alone in her condo with her pet iguana.”
I think the dilemma can be summed up best by Miranda’s line in Season 4 of Sex and the City: “Society views single people our age as sad and pathetic.” However, I don’t think society is completely to blame. We think of ourselves as sad and pathetic if we don’t have a mate. That’s the real problem.
What are your thoughts? Are you happy to be alone, missing your single days, or hoping to find that special someone?
Photo Credits
I’m happy to be alone, but I think this is predominately due to the fact that I am incredibly selfish. And other people are sort of a bother. I must work on this.
I dream of finding that special someone who understands me completely – but at the same time, I’m not holding my breath. If I were to sit around and wallow in my “singledom” it would be such a waste! I don’t feel sad or pathetic – I feel focused and powerful. The person I once was when I was in a relationship, now that’s sad and pathetic. Haha!
well i am finally okay being single and alone right now, after a few years of desperately dating the wrong guys. but i do fear being alone when i am older, and i am trying to realize that it is not a bad thing after all. i mean right now i can do what i want and i do not have to make my life revolve around anyone else. but i still want all those cliche things in the future – kids, dog, white picket fence, hot police officer husband….yeah….i’m going through my uniform phase…
-Harlequin
@ dakota — Haha I hear that. I’m pretty selfish (and strong-willed) too…the power struggles between my boyfriend and I are definitely our biggest problem.
@ M.E. — That’s the attitude I like to hear! (and yep, been there too…the sad and pathetic needy creature in a relationship). It’s really great that you feel focused and powerful…in fact that reminds me of my biggest problem with Sex and the City: all the women claim to feel empowered by their single status but none really ever act on that sentiment.
(If you can’t tell, I’ve been watching a lot of Sex and the City re-runs lately)
@ Harlequin (feels funny to direct comments at you) — that’s my fear too. of course you already know that..
For me, that’s a tough question to ask… because on the one hand, I’m extremely private. Even when I’m at home, I spend a lot of time by myself and am unusually introverted. On the other hand, I don’t want to be 83 living in a house with hundreds of cats. I think for the moment, I’m okay with being single, but later on I might like a relationship. I guess what comes with that relationship is the boundaries that I’ve always had in my life… space to myself, time to think, etc. My happiness really is dependent on those things, not a guy. :)
I am lucky – I get all the benefits of being single because my partner/best friend/i HATE the term boyfriend lives on the other side of the country at the moment and he is busy househunting and trying to keep his job so I don’t even have to call him very often. Unless I want to.
There are downsides and upsides. Biggest upside to being in a relationship – regular sex with the same person. oh and having someone who loves you (see – look at my priorities. they are ALL THERE baby!). Biggest downside – losing your independence on some level and having to share decisions (like what to call the baby… mutter mutter.)
Biggest upside to being single is you get to be completely responsible for yourself – your own happiness, your own fashion choices and what to name the baby. Oh and who you sleep with. The biggest downside is that you get to be completely responsible for yourself – your own sadness, your lame fashion sense and having to change every single fricking nappy yourself..
I love the best of both worlds. And I can be totally happy either way. I’m very adaptable :) lol