I’m Not a Slut – I’m Emotionally Easy.
by Harlequin
Sometimes I feel like a big slut. And in a manner of speaking, some people would say I am pretty easy. I have not had sex with that many people, but my number is a bit higher than I care to admit. I have lied in shame about my number (not to anyone I have anything longstanding or serious with, I swear). But honestly, I am torn. Part of me wants to fuck every attractive human (penis desired but certainly not required) that I see, but the other part of me wants that monogamous relationship. I spend a good deal of time wondering how many more men I will have to sleep with before I find the one I want to be with indefinitely…err, I mean forever.
But quantifying my sexual escapades isn’t the real reason I feel like a slut. It’s more about the degree to which my emotions for a person sway me to give it up, and give it up fast (well sometimes I take it slow….) All jokes aside though, I try to stand my ground and demand respect, but at the end of the day my feelings take all. The last guy I fell for (note: by “fell for,” I mean got infatuated with, not fell in love with; there is a big difference) certainly wasn’t the monogamy material he tried to present himself as. He spouted about wanting a relationship every time he came back into my life, and I believed him because I wanted to. The last time I saw him he refused to come inside my house to meet my friends; he instead convinced me to have sex with him in the back of his car in the parking lot outside my house – after I cried with my back against his driver’s side door for an hour. The thing is, I don’t think this is a bad thing. I loved having sex with him, I wanted to do it. But I just feel so easy! I don’t find people that I can fall for often, but once I do, I fall for them so easily and lose all my dignity for them. If that makes sense. I have only ever been in unhealthy relationships, and this latest “relationship” has been going on for over six months. I should be woman enough to say that he can’t give me what I need and move on, but I just know that when he stops ignoring me this time his dick will be inside me faster than I can say “fuck me please.” I relish having him inside me, breathing on my neck, wrapping my arms around him and laying on his shoulder after we’re done. But sometimes I wonder just how fast he wants to get out of there.
What am I trying to say? I don’t know. Maybe that I’m not really a slut, I just want a person unconditionally. After bruises on my heart and ego heal, after my anger subsides, I realize I do care about people with more than my hormones. And if sex is supposed to be between people who care about each other, then I illogically conclude that caring for him overrides any lack of feelings on his part.
So is it okay for us to be sluts? Baby, I’ll be a slut for someone I care about any day. And maybe someone will come along to be a slut for me the same way.
