10 Places You Should NEVER Have Sex

by Harlequin

Well…maybe just once.

These locations for intercourse are popular in both fantasy and reality, but in actuality they are terrible ideas. I am guilty of doing naughty things in some of these places myself; the rest I want to try, and probably will, but at least I will go into it knowing it’s a bad idea!

10. The woods – my friend once got poison ivy on her entire body. And reaching orgasm is going to be pretty damn difficult if you are sidetracked by the sounds of leaves rustling and branches snapping. Could be a wild animal. Well, that or a serial killer.

9. Driver’s seat of a car – unless you are a stick figure, your ass is going to honk that horn. A lot. Not to mention stick shift accidents.

8. Your parents’ bed – do you really want to share a coital nest with them? It brings a new meaning to the term family bonding.

7. Pools – just think about chlorine up your cooch. It burns. Plus the chemicals can cause infection.

6. Airplane – this just reminds me of the movie “Vegas Vacation.” How does one person move around in there, let alone two people thrusting away with abandon? And air travel regulations are a bitch these days. Again, maybe if you are both skinnier than a runway model.

5. Oceans, lakes, ponds, rivers, etc. – it’s enough that all that questionable water is going up there, but what about the mysterious sea creatures roaming around? Make sure that’s his dick that’s inside you…

4. On stage – well I think that’s enough said on that one. Unless your practicing to become a porn star.

3. Public bathrooms – I did this in a mall once, and it was more than just uncomfortable and painful. Just think of all the germs! Let’s not even get started on porter potties, bouse houses, or whatever you want to call them.

2. Your grandmother’s funeral – hey, she might be looking down on you, and getting the cum stains out of that black dress will be a total pain.

1. The beach – this has got to be the most cliché fantasy there is (hell there is even a drink named after it, not to mention a Venga Boys song, body sprays, and countless other things) but in reality it is awful! Sand in every crevice, bug bites on your ass, sunburns, not to mention beach patrol all up in your …umm… business.

Anyone have any stories to tell? We want to hear the good, the bad, and especially the ugly!

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