First Dates & Innocent Beginnings
by Kelly
When I was young, I wanted to be pretty. For some inexplicable reason I pegged this momentous occasion at 15. When I turned 15, everything would happen: I’d get a boyfriend, contacts, and turn into a beautiful young woman overnight. My steady diet of books starring ugly duckling protagonists who make miraculous transformations into cool, hip women fed and fueled my fantasies of grandeur.
Flash forward a few years.
I’m 15, in a dark movie theater with a skinny Asian boy who skateboards and not a lot else. He smells like cherry pop drink but all I can think about is how close his hand is to mine. He tries putting his arm around me, but fails, elbowing me awkwardly instead. I sit there in frozen silence, every vein buzzing with a deadly mixture of anticipation and dread. What if he doesn’t try again? Is he really interested in me?
Then, in perfect slow motion, he turns towards me and puts his hand out beseechingly. I take it. I think, as he strokes my palm with his thumb, “Now my life is beginning.”
5 years later, and many, many movie dates later, I will pin that moment clearly as my sexual awakening. I was a virgin, and until 3 hours later that night, had never been kissed. But I knew, even then, that something magical and profound had been put into motion. I couldn’t wait to see where it took me.
It’s funny to look back and see how my childhood fantasies did, in fact, play out as imagined. I wish, however, that I could have been more prepared for what comes after your first date. The sex, the blow jobs, the confusion and hurt. I lost my virginity at a young age (incidentally with the boy from the movie theater). It was beautiful & pure, as making love to your first love tends to be. However, looking back on it now, I see how naïve I was, and how our love for each other lulled me into a sense of security with future lovers that left me vulnerable and malleable.
From that first brush of fingers in a movie theater to sex in a dorm shower stall, I have experienced the best and worst. I will say, though, that I do not regret one single moment. I only wonder what that little girl who just wanted to be pretty would have to say about the woman I have become. Would she be proud? Shocked? Content? I have yet to figure that out.
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So dear readers, how did you imagine your first kiss, and did it happen like you thought it would? Please share your thoughts & experiences with us.
My first kiss was at a party (or rather, about 20m away from the party behind some bushes) and the boy stuck his whole mouth over mine, inserted his tongue and proceeded to try and suck my face off. Literally. It felt like being mauled by a vacuum cleaner.
Not exactly how I expected my first kiss to be, but memorable.
I remember my first semi-drunken fumble too. In the dark on a mattress that smelled like split bourbon and in my naivety all i could think was “Why on earth are you trying to fit your fingers in there?? Is that supposed to feel good?”
Come to think of it, at some points since I haven’t been sure things have really improved. Thank god my lover now is A) really good to begin with and B) Eager to be taught :) I’m pretty sure when I was little I thought I would be married and popping out kids by the time I was 18. I wanted 7 kids, including two sets of twins. I read way too much L M Montgomery when i was young.
My first kiss?
He. Burped. In. My. Mouth.
He. Thought. It. Was. Funny.
It wasn’t.
I didn’t kiss anyone again for a year or two despite having dates and boyfriends. haha–it was not a good experience!
I think the girl you used to be wouldn’t understand the woman you are now. There is about as much wrong with sex in the dorm stall as there is with holding hands in a movie theater. Human beings are meant to be sexual, for entertainment, pleasure, procreation, and well, other less “noble” reasons.
Most of what it is to be human is what popular opinion considers reprehensible.
@ Shannon — Ahh, the sloppy kiss. Too many times have I encountered that phenomenon. However I’m not sure I’ve experienced the vacuum before ;-) I’m glad your current beau is eager to please & good in bed…I don’t know what I’d do if I ended up with someone who wasn’t willing to experiment and learn.
@ Annie — Hahaha…not to laugh but that’s hilarious & terrible at the same time. Hopefully things have improved since!
@ abelmarq — I would have to agree with that. When I made the transition from girl to woman it seemed pretty natural. I was open to new experiences and before I knew it, I was a different person altogether (although I’d like to think I stayed true to my core values, etc).
ughhh my first kiss was when i was 15. some 24 year old guy who was a friend of my friend’s sister got me really drunk and then we made out on the floor….among other things. he had a tattoo of a CLOWN FACE on his shoulder. that’s all i really remember.
-Harlequin
I can’t honestly remember kissing because I wanted to kiss. I remember being asked to kiss, or sort of manipulating into kissing, and then later used it as a tool of manipulation.
I was chased by boys as early as 12, and had my first kiss at 13. It was awkward. I didn’t enjoy it. But, I too, decided that it marked the beginning of my womanhood more clearly than my period starting.
It was my first boyfriend. We had been dating for five months, and it was creeping up on our “big 5 monther”. I guess in 7th grade that was like a big deal and what not. My friends kept pestering me about whether or not i had kissed him yet. They made me feel so lame because I hadn’t kissed Johnny. Honestly, i had never even thought about it. i was perfectly content with our hand-holding, sweet embraces and tickle fights, i had never even considered the big first kiss.
Feeling the tremendous guilt girls can put on other girls, i decide that this 5 month anniversary will be the day that me and Johnny kiss. I write him a note in 6th period to meet me at the bike racks after school. I give it to him in the hallway between 6th and 7th and then spend the entire last period debating which flavor lipsmackers to use, with the advice of my girlfriends. (we settled on watermelon)
My routine was to walk home with my BFF everyday after school. We lived pretty far away, but enjoyed the walk as a time to catch up on the gossip of one another’s lives. So we are walking towards the sidewalk that leads to our homes, and it passes by the bike racks. Johnny is waiting there, looking so proud. You can tell he knows that it’s the “big day”. I look over at my friend and she whispers “what do i do?” and i say “just stand over there, it won’t take long” obviously i don’t plan on a big make out or anything.
so i walk over to johnny.
“hi”
“hey shelby”
“happy anniversary!”
“you too”
then we hug, and as he pulls away i lunge toward his face and peck him right on the lips.
and then — this is priceless — i run directly to my best friend, grab her and start walking home. i didn’t even look back at johnny i was so embarrassed!
Our walk consisted of the talk in which i officially declared i was no longer a woman. it was blissful and liberating. not romantic, but definitely euphoric.
unfortunately to my dismay, kissing was going to be something johnny was now to expect on a regular basis. we would kiss a few more times, very awkwardly before we finally had a successful encounter.
It was probably a year later, we kissed in the woods, and he nibbled on my bottom lip. I think that was the first time i ever felt “sexual”. Of course, after that i’d feel guilty for days before i’d let him do it again. And by a year and a half, well, we’d gone much farther than kissing.
all i can think is that dreading kissing johnny is hilarious! i wish i could go back in time as someone else and watch the scene.
<33 mermaid
no longer a child*** not no longer a woman! haha, what a crazy typo.