Why We Hate Those Girls Gone Wild

by Harlequin

As if you needed any reasons, but nevertheless here they are:

10. They are ridiculously low-class – it seems ironic that a bunch of girls that look like spoiled brats are sold by mail through late-night infomercials. You spent enough money on Gucci sunglasses and Prada shoes, so don’t you think you deserve an audience of a higher pedigree, ladies? Girls say it’s their “15 minutes of fame,” so I’d think they’d make it worth it.
*By the way, it’s not 15 minutes honey. This is your fame forever. Relish in it, along with all the men (your ex-boyfriend, or your boss, maybe your father) who may be as well. And can anyone give me the name of a successful showbiz woman who got her start in the soft-core porn bar videos? Ashley DuPre does not count as successful.

9. Serious lack of individual style – the fact that they are all clones of each other simply increases my distaste for them. If I was going to get drunk and strip, I would at least do it in style.

8. They disappoint even the lowest of men - the corporation’s mogul (and the face of arrogance), Mr. Joe Francis himself wants innocent girls next door, but instead gets slutty tramps looking for a moment in front of a camera. And sadly, I have to agree with him. As one girl puts it, “I’m ready and willing, and I’m a dirty slut.” As if we needed any confirmation.

7. They failed American History - supposedly the whole franchise is just some passionate movement to embrace the freedom of First Amendment. Way to go ladies, you really embody the spirit of America.
*And remember, judges will just shut down your lawsuits against Girls Gone Wild for capturing what you do in public – that’s part of the same First Amendment that allows your flashes of nudity.

6. They are not even getting paid - I have a lot more respect for strippers and prostitutes who are at least making a buck instead of gratuitously showing their naughty bits the world over, and on tape nonetheless. If you think about the money that the corporation is making, these girls could at least salvage some dignity by demanding compensation.
*NOTE: T-shirts, booty shorts, trucker hats, Mardi Gras beads, or even panties do NOT count as compensation.

5. They are giving a bad name to drunks everywhere – instead of taking their clothes off when they get plastered, they should be belligerently yelling at people, like any self-respecting binge drinker.

4. They idolize a criminal industry - and we aren’t just talking public indecency. Joe Francis and co. have been accused of money laundering, tax evasion, racketeering, not to mention sexual assault, child pornography, and you guessed it, rape. If I saw Mr. Girls Gone Wild, I would throw him my haymaker and stab him with my stiletto, not fawn over him like a smitten schoolgirl gone wrong.

3. They completely embarrass the feminist cause – not to mention any self-respecting woman. I totally encourage women owning their sexuality and all, but taking your clothes off and rubbing your best friend’s twat in front of Joe’s crews is most definitely not what Gloria Steinem (a respectable babe herself) had in mind for the sexual revolution.

2. They are just plain dumb - as one girl explains her motives for baring her breasts to appease the chants of young men, “Everybody wants to be famous in some way. Getting famous will get me anything I want. If I walk into somebody’s house and said, ‘Give me this,’ I could have it.” Just goes to show that almost anyone can get into college.
*To any future GGW – this is just not how it works.

1. They are the backbone of Joe Francis’ success – both financial and sexual.

Ew.
Enough said.

Who wouldn't want this?

Who wouldn't want this?

Anyone have any additions?


Read the horrifying article I found while researching this post. I plan to write more on it later, but I have to wait until my stomach settles from the nausea it just produced.

Disclaimer: I honestly hate to throw the word “slut” around, and I fully believe that men (most especially Joe Francis) who endorse this sort of behavior are despicable. The girls are taken advantage of while intoxicated, but that can only be taken so far before they have to be held accountable for their actions. A woman can have sex with thousands of men and not be a slut in my opinion, but once she has rubbed her clit for the world of Girls Gone Wild, then she has embraced my definition of the word.