I spent a significant portion of my teenage years hugging a toilet bowl with my finger jammed down my throat, feeling like my eyes were going to pop out of their sockets.

Trust me, this ugly image is not something I can look back on without cringing.

And I am not an aberration in the backwards world of adolescents. Approximately 90% of high school–aged girls think they are overweight, and more than 2/3 would rather be mean or stupid than fat. Even more horribly, more than 1/2 of American women 18-25 would prefer to be run over by a truck or die young than be fat (both of these statistics come from the book “Perfect Girls, Starving Daughters” by Courtney E. Martin – check it out!). These facts do seem rather appalling, but I admit that I agree with the majority in these cases. I did five years ago, and I still do now. That makes me feel shallow, but it also makes me pretty damn scared.

Because in spite of my emotional turn-around at the end of my adolescence, I am still afraid of being fat. I can’t avoid that being in this society. By some standards I am fat, but those are not my standards. I am finally happy with how I look, and it’s not a result of throwing up my food after every meal. It’s also not that I have lost weight or started exercising more or eating better – I have not done any of those things. Actually I haven’t stepped foot in a gym in a while, nor do I plan to, although it would improve my health. I will never look like the toned, tanned girls that I was jealous of in high school. But I actually like my love handles now, and I find my untoned tummy cute. I like my big hips that I sometimes can not even fit a dress over. I think curves are sexy, and guess where curves come from – FAT!

You could get with this...

And if we are concerned with men’s opinions, just know that very few guys want to have sex with a bag of bones. The ones that do have much bigger issues to sort out. Just look at the fashion industry, where the designers are mostly gay (thus they do not even like women’s bodies) and the models are supposed to resemble HANGERS. And amidst the “Size Zero Debate,” they sometimes die for it. There are still aspects of my body I don’t like, but I wish more women could have this sort of miraculous change of attitude that I did. Look honestly at the women around you – not the airbrushed models or cheating celebrities, but the women in your life who have the bodies that women are supposed to have.

...or you could get with that!

But if you feel you need a little bit of some big celebrity assurance (as I sometimes do), the ones I find most attractive are those like Kate Winslet, Queen Latifah, Mia Tyler, Liv Tyler after she packed on a few pounds, and Renee Zellweger – but really only as Bridget Jones: Wanton Sex Goddess (and I think her ass looks pretty damn good sliding down that fireman’s pole). Keep in mind that the very skinny woman as a sex symbol is a modern creation – just think about the beautiful Greek goddesses with full-figured bodies, like Botticelli’s “The Birth of Venus” and even the paintings of women during the Renaissance (such as those by Peter Paul Rubens).

So, what are your experiences with or opinions on eating disorders?

…More of the sick truth about eating disorders.
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